The Onion News Network Is The Best News Network

Entertainment Editor

Perhaps the best lambasting of the mainstream media’s style of disaster coverage was released yesterday by The Onion News Network.  The video opens with the statement, “Millions of Americans are irrationally feared dead this morning following a train derailment near Wilmington, Delaware.  [Fewer] than 200 people were aboard the train, but because no names have been released yet, countless more are being imagined trapped inside the wreckage by worried parents and overly-anxious friends.”

It then goes into a perfect spoof of how the media covers a disaster, from aerial footage of wreckage from every angle to grossly inflated estimates of the damage to anchors breathlessly presenting their disaster porn crouched with faux concern to obvious statements from an expert to quotes from recreationally-grieving viewers who had nothing to do with the disaster but need to make it all about them.  All this video needs is a message at the end saying, “Are YOUR loved ones trapped in this fiery wreckage?  Find out at eleven!”

Our hearts go out to those poor, imaginary people touched by these tragic events.  This is so overwhelming I need to lie down.  I’ve heard of Delaware before, so it easily could have been me on that nonexistent train.  Pray for Omarion.



You might have to watch the video a second time just to read all the funny stuff in the chyron.  I want to have, like, ten thousand of your babies, Onion.


[Hat tip and a car magnet to commemorate this tragedy to TheHighDefinite.]

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