This Hermaphroditic Flatworm Stabs Itself With A Needle-Tipped Dick To Reproduce

Thanks your love life sucks? Science has discovered that to reproduce, the lazy, lonely Macrostomum hystrix flatworm will just ambivalently stab itself with its own needle-tipped penis wherever on its body is most convenient, in the event that no mating partner is nearby.

According to a new report via ScienceNews:

If raised alone in the lab, a tiny Macrostomum hystrix flatworm ends up with sperm distributed oddly around its body, researchers report July 1 in Proceedings of the Royal Society B. More sperm gets injected into the head and upper body and less into their rears than in counterparts with social opportunities, says coauthor Steven Ramm of Bielefeld University in Germany. He knew isolated flat worms self-fertilized somehow. The new work suggests they just curl their rears forward for a convenient jab.

So basically, if all that science jargon goes over your head, the flatworm equivalent of this:

(BoingBoing via BroBible)