‘Women For Cain’ Is Sad, Hilarious

FYI, you guys, there’s a hot new comedy website out there. It’s called “Women For Cain” and is run by the wife of infamous Republican swordsman Herman Cain and it’s purpose is ostensibly to offset the “jealous,” “vindictive” and “husbandless” women who keep popping up to accuse the former Godfather’s Pizza CEO of being a horndog on steroids.

Female supporters of Herman Cain can go to the website to offer words of encouragement for him. Here’s a sampling of the submissions so far.

“Mrs Cain, I just want to say that you are an amazing woman to have to survive this liberal lynching of your husband.”

“Dear Mrs. Cain, don’t pay attention to these pathetic husbandless women who are jealous of women like you in happy long-term marriages. These vindictive women can’t find a husband or keep one. They are like stalkers who try to latch on to any man who shows a bit of kindness or attention to them. When these unstable women come out of the woodwork to make accusations about Herman just say, ‘Honey, get a life, I believe my husband.’ We want you to be our First Lady Mrs. Cain!”

“Dear Mr. and Mrs. Cain, I want you to know that I fully support you! I’ve sent $9.99 several times, and will continue to do so every chance I get. I wish I could do more! I’m “reassessing” my Christmas List… instead of buying misc $10 gifts for people I barely know anyway, I’m sending all that money to you. YOU are who this country needs. Please don’t let the opposition win, they are vile liars and will face God for what they’ve done to you.”

“Mr Cain, I want to thank you for running for President. Your decision to do so was not a selfish one, but one of a desire to help the country you love. You have seen the failures of the current administration and felt confident that your skills and talents could change America in a GOOD way, and you were willing to step in and do that! But now because of scheming women that can be swayed by money, attention or whatever else the reason may be, your reputation is at stake – not theirs as it should be. I do not believe these women are victims…I believe you are.

“The number of texts and dates mean nothing. I lived through a situation wherein some people I had known for 35+ years emailed me 100s of times, at all times of the day or night, and I emailed them back based upon the picture of the world they encouraged – even agreeing with me that I was right and the attacks on me were unjust. There were gifts exchanged, along with messages like “my affection knows no bounds”, other terms of endearment based upon positive associations, dinners and other supports. Not only was the truth non-sexual where I was concerned, these people were trying to destroy me while covering up for a convicted child molester – in a community youth activity. They were working DIRECTLY with the people attacking me. After I found the long-buried court documents proving the truth, they publicly reverted to working right alongside my attackers. And I’m not a presidential candidate at the top of the polls. So any rush to judgment is premature – extremely premature.”

“Mr. Cain (aka The Hermanator)–It’s very upsetting to witness your campaign and personal life subjected to this American ‘impact of reality television’. It’s pathetic and shameful women are so desperate for their five minutes of fame that they would position themselves against the greatest potential president Americans could be blessed enough to have.”

“Dear Mr. Cain, I am a 66 year old female architect in the State of Texas, and want to simply say… as a REAL woman I do not believe for one second any of these “women” that have crawled out from under a rock somewhere to defame you and bring pain to you and your family. They are pitiful creatures at the very least, and evil at the most. Isn’t it convenient that they have suddenly become offended by supposed advances by you now after all these years, my goodness, poor babies, how have they been able to bare up under the pain for all these oh so many years… LIARS, LIARS, LIARS…GO GET THEM HERMAN AND PLEASE DO NOT QUIT!!!!

“Hello, Herman Cain, you need to focus about this America” and don’t even listen to all this women ,that they don’t have nothing good to say about you… they they are money hungry… and women like this, Don’t care or don’t have no “SHAME to go on TV…to use lies, for money…somebody has been paying this women. They make me sick to my stomach…..they need to start digging a hole on the ground n till they rich china'”

Herman Cain is gonna bang so many of these crazy broads. All aboard the “Cain Train” as it steams toward a cliff, ladies. Herman will greet you in the caboose.

(HT: Unsilent. Video via High Definite. Gif via.)