Surprise! Science Says Your Cat Wants To Kill You


The ancient Egyptians and everyone on the internet may worship cats, but the feeling is less than mutual. Researchers from the University of Edinburgh worked with the Bronx Zoo on a study comparing the behavioral patterns of house cats with their much larger cousins. By rating them in the “Big Five” personality traits — Openness to Experience, Conscientiousness, Extraversion/Introversion, Agreeableness and Neuroticism — researchers uncovered quite a bit about your “devoted” companions.

With this feline Meyers Briggs test, they found that your fuzzy roommates had basically the same personalities as African lions, being dominant, impulsive and neurotic. Sure, they’re also playful, clever and inquisitive, but their findings show that the only thing keeping them from murdering in you in your sleep is their size. Cats are no dummies, so as long as you’re ten times bigger than them, you’re probably ok.

According to psychologist Dr. Max Wachtel, understanding is the key to a symbiotic relationship with your cat.

“It is good to understand the personality characteristics of our pets. Different cats have different personalities. But as a species, there are a lot of commonalities. They’re cute and furry and cuddly, but we need to remember when we have cats as pets, we are inviting little predators into our house. For a lot of people, it is worth it. Cats can be fantastic, sweet companions. Until they turn on you.”

Uh, holy sh*t.


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