You’ve Been Pooping All Wrong, Says Purveyor Of Fine Pooping Accessories

Do you have trouble pooping? Do you have hemorrhoids? Are you constipated? WELL MAYBE YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG?!?! Oh yeah — prepare to have your mind blown, people.

Reader JP tipped us to this video (Thanks, JP!) promoting Squatty Potty, a toilet accessory that helps to users to “overcome the effects of improper toilet posture” — and I was downright mesmerized by it. In the end I came away feeling as though my whole life has been a lie and that I’ll never be the same going forward. I’VE BEEN POOPING ALL WRONG! And so have you, probably.

This is just like the time a Sesame Street staffer confirmed to me that Bert & Ernie were indeed intended to be a secretly gay couple on the program. IT CHANGES EVERYTHING. Basically, the modern toilet is killing you because it prevents you from pooping the way human beings were meant to poop.

Sitting upright is not how nature intended us to poop, folks. You’ve got to squat when you eliminate, like this smiling broad…

The customer reviews on Amazon are glowing

Love this stool for so many reasons. As some one who has had a long history of constipation, I have been using the squatty potty now for six months and the difference is almost miraculous! I have tried so many things over the years and who would have known how simple the solution could be.

I shudder to think what those “many things” are. Regardless, maybe you too should try a Squatty Potty? Or, you know, just put your feet up on a small stool in front of your toilet when you poop? A “stool stool,” if you will. You’re welcome!