My career belongs in a museum.
Skyfall is here and I’m as excited as the next careless violence and misogyny enthusiast. Also, it looks awesome (Blond Bardem!). And is trending at 92% (people who like movies like it!). So yeah, Louis C.K. is all the Lincoln I need. Give me The Dark Knight of James Bond movies.
The one thing that jumps out to me when I see any form of Skyfall promo though — outside of the fact that Bardem should never not play a villain — is how relentlessly badass Daniel Craig looks at all times. Dude even looks cool taking the audio tour at some boring museum. So to provide a little balance let’s hop in the IMDb time machine and revisit some roles where Daniel Craig didn’t perpetually look like he just banged your mom.
Craig played Schiller, a (presumably) evil German Officer, in an unaired 1993 episode of The Young Indiana Jones Chronicles, but who hasn’t burned through that DVD set over a slow weekend? He also reprised the role in 1999.
Jax Teller has some serious competition in the flesh facial hair department.
I’ve most likely seen this historically accurate film starring the kid from Rookie of the Year (who grows up to be the short one in American Pie) and Daniel Craig’s as-long-as-no-hair-gets-in-my-eyes little boy bowl cut, but thankfully I don’t remember it.
In the world I want to live in Craig plays the same role as lead motivator to time travelers being taught to joust in Martin Lawrence’s Black Knight.
Craig played Barry Who Can’t Properly Sit on Couches in an episode of the 7th (and arguably best) season of Tales from the Crypt. Enter Barry and Barry’s a-hole leather jacket now if you’re into that sort of thing.
Craig portrayed John Ballard, the priest executed for plotting to assassinate Elizabeth I, in the film that assured no one but Cate Blanchett could ever play Elizabeth I.
In his first collaboration with Sam Mendes, Daniel Craig played Paul Newman’s weaselly son who kills women and children and puts the whole plot in motion. You may not remember him since the role is the opposite of the leading man/action star we’ve come to know. Dropping f-bombs on unsuspecting kids never gets old though…
Let’s just think of this promo pic from ’90s British TV miniseires Our Friends In The North as the great equalizer.