63-year-old Edwards Smith, a self-professed “mechaphile” — in other words, someone who is sexually attracted to machines — has been having sex with cars for over forty-five years now. Smith appeared on ITV’s This Morning to discuss his, uh, lifestyle, in which he claims to have had sex with over 700 cars — although his true love will always be a white 1982 WV Beetle named “Vanilla.”
But how does this whole car f*cking thing work? Glad you asked! Smith was more than happy to discuss his methods with the morning hosts:
Asked about what would happen on a night out when he would find a car he was attracted to, Edward reflected: “I look back on that thinking that was pretty risky business. But that’s the history, yes. I cannot deny there were a number of neighbourhoods that… a lot of them were like car lots.”
Explaining how it is possible to make love to a car, Edward added: “It has to do with the body itself. I’m not really attracted to any sort of, may I say, penetration.
“It is hugging and holding the shape of the car close to me and actually talking to it a little bit. And then of course, the rest is just physical satisfaction – masturbation is, I guess, the word.”
OK, so to answer your question, no — no tailpipes have been harmed during Smith’s escapades. Wait one second though, because Ryan covered an interview with Barcroft TV that Edward Smith gave a full year ago in which he claimed that he had sexual relations with over one thousand cars. I’m not very good at math but last time I checked, 1000 was still more than 700, so something about this car f*cker’s story doesn’t check out.
Here’s a video clip from the interview Smith gave this morning:
And here’s the one from a year ago:
So was he lying then or is he lying now? Nothing like finding out the Wilt Chamberlain of car f*cking was only the Russel Brand of car f*cking. I don’t know about you, but I like my car fuckers like I like my politicians: Dirty on the inside but honest on the outside.
Also relevant:
(Via The Mirror)