The Super Bowl lets Americans of all creeds and colors come together and watch ads interrupted by men touching each other roughly. Also, some watch the half time show, in what we’re assuming is an act of atrocity tourism.
You know what? If we must shut down the country to watch overly toned men in spangly pants molest each other, let’s at least make the half-time show worth watching, and get Weird Al Yankovic to play it.
That’s a real petition, and quite frankly, we think it’s a great idea. Why?
#5) He’s Talented
Look, NFL, last year you had the Black Eyed Peas. The band that consists of a woman who peed herself, a guy who decked Perez Hilton, and a couple of other dudes who apparently just stand around on stage. This year you had a woman who largely built a brand on a thin voice.
Weird Al has perfect pitch, is adept at several instruments, and would actually bring a touch of musical talent to what’s largely endured by football fans and mocked by everyone else. Furthermore, he can cross dozens of music genres: a little hip-hop, a little classic rock, a little country…he’s everything to everyone.
#4) He’s Family-Friendly
Well, relatively. We’re sure the crazier censorious types out there find something objectionable about him. They probably insist all his songs about food cause obesity or something, or that “Grapefruit Diet” is offensive to excessively fat people.
But he runs a clean act: he doesn’t swear, he doesn’t use juvenile humor, and he definitely won’t rip anybody’s top off or flip anybody the bird, unless Prince is in the house.
#3) He Puts On A Hell Of a Show
Weird Al Live is not some dude with an accordion playing songs you remember from grade school: he’s got video clips, multiple costume changes, and a twenty-minute encore. This guy knows how to play to a crowd.
#2) Weird Al Has Outlasted Almost Everybody He’s Made Fun Of
In fact, Madonna might be literally the last person standing among Al’s satirical targets. It’s kind of a testament to how Al works things that he started in 1984 as a novelty act and has since become beloved by a new generation of kids every time he puts out an album.
#1) You’re Running Out of Top-Selling Acts To Headline
This decision is obviously driven by getting the artist with the broadest popularity, so consider this: first of all, you’ve used up just about every dinosaur rock and ’80s pop act that’s still viable for your halftime show. And secondly, everybody knows at least one Weird Al song.
Granted, it’s probably “Yoda” or “Fat”, but they know at least one, if for no other reason than they know the actual song and thus can hum along to the parody. And Al’s had a long career of selling gold and platinum records, more than most of the acts you’ve featured, actually.
Come on, NFL, you could do worse.
You always have.
image courtesy Kristine Slipson
