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Doooooooomed! Why So Many People Want Nintendo To Fail

By 02.01.13

Nintendo Isn’t Predictable

People like the expected. They like to be able to look at what somebody’s done before and predict what they’re going to do in the future. You can’t do that with Nintendo. Suddenly the Mario series, for one game only, will be about Mario when he was a baby and look like it’s been drawn with crayons. One day they’re making extra tiny versions of their handhelds, next their making extra huge versions. Motion controls! Touch screens! You never know. People hate not knowing. People don’t like things they don’t understand.

I’m better than all y’alls!

Nintendo’s Kind of Full of Themselves

Nintendo maintains a carefully cultivated a “humble” public persona, but in reality the company’s anything but. All the “sincere” apologies from Iwata during Nintendo Directs or Miyamoto being impish in the world doesn’t hide the fact that these guys clearly think they’re better at making games than anybody else. They might be right, but it doesn’t make it any less grating.

Mention a non-Nintendo game in front of somebody from Nintendo, and they invariably pretend they’ve never heard of it while making wanking gestures. Every time they come out with a new system they talk big about 3rd party support, but never deliver, because who wants to play crappy old 3rd party games when you can play Nintendo games? I mean, come on. If you want to act like you’re the best in the world, you better consistently deliver.

Nintendo Fans Are Kind of Full of Themselves

Hey, as a Nintendo fan I’ll admit it — Nintendo passes a lot of it’s smug, humblebrag-ey obnoxiousness onto its fans. If any game resembles a Nintendo series, Nintendo fans are always right there to call it out as ripoff and clearly inferior to Nintendo’s creation. People who don’t play Nintendo games are all dummies who prefer flash over substance and so on, and so on.

I’ve trained myself to identify and curb my own jerky Nintendo fan behavior, but most folks don’t get paid to blog about video games, so have no reason to bother. Have patience with Nintendo fans — we’re usually not trying to be jerks, we just, you know, really like Mario and have a bad role model in Nintendo.

Mario will find you…

You’re Never Free From Nintendo

Even if you reject Nintendo’s games and consoles, there’s no escaping their influence. Motion controls, analog sticks, rumble, touch screens — Nintendo’s creations usually end up becoming industry standards. In other words, even if you turn your back on Nintendo, you’ll never truly be free. To be truly free, Nintendo has to fail. Nintendo has to die.

Too bad they probably never will. Heh.

Pages: 1 2
TOPICS#video games
TAGSmarioNintendoThe Legend of ZeldaWii U

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