‘Big Brother’ recap: Which hamster stopped floating and self-destructed?

08.04.13 4 years ago 20 Comments


First off, let’s all congratulate McCrae and Amanda on their ‘Big Brother’ (read: totally fake) engagement. So… the “Big Brother” house is kind of like Las Vegas? Does that apply to making racist comments? Because I think Aaryn, GinaMarie and a couple of other people would REALLY like to invoke that rule. 

Anyway, we return to the battle for HoH, which involves walking on a great big barrel-type thing while holding a rope. The barrel speeds up, the barrel slows down, the barrel goes backwards. This looks exhausting, but as McCrae explains to us, he has carney blood in him so he’s in it for the long haul. THAT EXPLAINS SO MUCH!

Spencer is the first one out. He doesn’t have to shatter a bunch of dishes, but he does, just because, like, he’s mad and stuff. Then, Candice is out. Helen’s out. Elissa’s out. Amanda’s out. Judd’s out. Andy’s out. It’s down to McCrae, Jessie and Gina Marie. This will be interesting, maybe. Well, the competition isn’t interesting, but given how different things could be depending on who wins, that will be interesting. 

As the first hamster out of the HoH competition, though, Spencer gets to choose a box. He gets a punishment — he has to speak through a bullhorn until the nominations ceremony. Try negotiating with that! Clever, “Big Brother”! Candice gets $5,000. Well, that should take the sting out of losing Howard, though that’s probably not enough when she gets kicked to the curb herself this week or next. Aaryn is offended that Candice got money! Maybe she can say something offensive about it! Helen, who opens the third box, gets a backyard barbecue to share with three fellow hamsters. This sounds fun, but it will lead to WAY too much drama. Steaks make people CRAZY in the “Big Brother” house, people!

Jessie’s out. Come on, McCrae! 

Gina Marie starts negotiating. She has to be HoH! She needs hair dye! He needs pictures of his family! No deal. Hmmmm… not taking a deal can be a good move, or it can be a huge mistake. Gina Marie will not be denied, though. She can’t understand why McCrae won’t take her deals! Go carney! Wait, oh no, he fell! GINA MARIE IS HoH! 

Oh, hell. She says she only wants hair dye, but I doubt that. She has no problem with getting blood on her hands, I suspect. Aaryn is so excited! What is going on with the blonde power? Helen hugs and compliments Gina Marie, because Helen is never flustered and may be one of the few people in the house who knows how to play the game, more or less. Oddly enough, I give a lot of credit to Andy and Judd for being likable and not getting targeted to go. Spencer, well, he’s managed to stay afloat post-Moving Company, so that’s impressive. 

Aaryn and Gina Marie dance around like idiots, they are so excited about Gina Marie’s win. Even Andy is annoyed, and that takes some effort. Psst, this will be remembered next week, you two.

Amanda and Spencer make a peace treaty, which shows that Amanda can occasionally not be a bully. I’ve been disappointed with some of Amanda’s ridiculous posturing lately. She needs to have more moments like this, where it’s clear she isn’t taking every damn thing personally.  

Aaryn and Gina Marie agree that Candice is going home. Gina Marie hates her because she has brought so much drama. I’d make that pot and kettle comment, but in this context it might be offensive. 

Time to see Gina Marie’s HoH room. I bet there’s a lot of pink and a crappy stuffed animal, too. I’m RIGHT, if you consider a picture of Nick a crappy stuffed animal. Great, Gina Marie is remembering her intense non-affair with Nick, who didn’t actually like her. She is gonna be SO embarrassed when she sees the whole season when she gets home (which she’ll have time to do now that she’s lost her job). Her mom looks like a nightmare version of Gina Marie. She wanted Rice-A-Roni? 

Andy thinks her room is the room of a 15-year-old, not a 32-year-old. Please, please stop hooting, Gina Marie. No one should ever be this excited about a stupid Christina Aguilera CD. 

Helen is picking her barbecue buddies. Who will take the third slot? WHO, HELEN? Aaryn and Elissa are her first two. Aaryn overhears Jessie ask, “Why Aaryn?” in a whiny way. Aaryn now hates Jessie more than she did. Uh-oh.

But the bigger problem is that Jessie is aggravated about Aaryn getting an invite. Really, really aggravated. She thinks it’s a slap in the face. Jessie just wants a steak. Amanda tells her to calm down. But it’s a BIG DEAL, Amanda! Jessie wants to DRINK, Amanda! STEAK!

Jessie then begins breaking down. There is crying and pouting and from there it gets worse. Amanda tells Jessie she knew about her plan to toss Amanda out of the house. Twice. Amanda tells her to go confront Helen to her face. Jessie backpedals! The plan was brought to  her! Amanda tells her to go cry. 

Jessie then hashes it out with Amanda, McCrae and Andy about whether or not she really wanted to flip the house on Amanda. Amanda calls Jessie attention-seeking and crazy. Amanda tears into Jessie and Jessie gets weepy. She calls Amanda a bully and a bitch. Amanda smiles. McCrae looks like he’s withdrawn into his safe place. Andy looks like he’s going to throw up. Amanda is smoking like Joan Crawford in a ’40s movie.  I honestly can’t decide who is more annoying in this — Amanda or Jessie. Toss up, really. 

Later, McCrae tells Amanda she has to stop that crap, as there’s no reason to be a bully and a bitch. Amanda has decided she wants to gun for Jessie, and McCrae points out she’s being an idiot. You never have my back, “BB” fiancé! Oh, their first big fight! How cute! Throw your fake ring at him, Amanda! 

Gina Marie decides to talk to Jessie. Jessie realizes she was not being smart by fighting with Amanda, and suggests Gina Marie not put her on the block if she wants Candice out. This is perfectly logical, really. Too bad Jessie has pretty much painted a target on her back with neon paint. 

Hey, for all of you who are watching the live feeds, are the hamsters still making racist or otherwise offensive comments? While we still have that handy disclaimer at the start of the show, I don’t feel like we’re seeing anything on the show itself. 

Time for nominations!

Aaryn is safe.

Helen is safe.

McCrae is safe.

Judd is safe.

Amanda is safe.

Elissa is safe.

Spencer is safe.

Andy is safe.

Candice and Jessie are on the block.

Gina Marie questions Candice’s loyalty and calls her a drama queen and a tattle tail. And a rat. Keep grinding it in, Gina Marie! But, you know, best of luck, Candice! Mean it! Gina Marie nominated Jessie for being a flip flopper. Judd is laughing. Elissa is laughing. It’s a giggle fit at the “Big Brother” house! 

Jessie is not going to let Gina Marie have her way with her. Eeek, that needs context, doesn’t it? Amanda is sure she’s sending Jessie home this week, but Amanda has to watch that attitude. She’s going to get backdoored sooner than she knows, I suspect. 

Who do you think deserves the boot this week? Do you think Amanda is too big for her britches? Who should get the third seat at the barbecue? 

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