Lindsay Lohan

Lindsay Lohan Looks Gift Horse In Mouth, Slaps It With Her Crack Pipe

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Lindsay Lohan turns down 'Dancing with the Stars,' because she has DIGNITY.

VIVICA A FOX

10.24 The Cooler

By | 12 Comments

kaylin garcia iPad Mini or Kindle Fire HD.

Sex

Everyone On ‘Dancing With the Stars’ Is Having Sex, Allegedly

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According to an inside source, all the contestants and dancers on "Dancing With the Stars" are boning each other. Also, Carrie Ann Inaba fell off her chair.

THE BACHELOR

Ryan Lochte Is Going To Cost ABC $750,000

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As was discussed last week, Olympic gold medalist and total bro <a href="http://withleather.uproxx.com/2012/08/this-week-in-youtube-commenter-swooning-ryan-lochte-wants-to-date-blake-lively">Ryan Lochte will be making his acting debut</a> on 90210 while he sorts through the bevy of acting offers he’s received from shows desperate to improve their ratings.

TURK DANCE

Donald Driver Was Somewhat Excited About Winning 'Dancing With the Stars'

By | 16 Comments

Here is the complete list of things that will result in me doing a post about "Dancing With the Stars": Attractive female contestant falls out of dress Someone does the <a href="http://youtu.be/81NpdkTcMAE">Turk Dance</a> A cast member from a '90s television show aimed at children or teens is announced as a contestant Same as above but with DMX or Coolio or any member of the Wu-Tang Clan or Boyz II Men Female dancer attempts tricky dance move and her stiletto flies off and stabs an audience member in the throat That Bruno guy finally snaps while judging a performance and just, like, whips out his ding-a-ling or something Tom Bergeron gets fired and is replaced with an animatronic panda named Bamboo Someone poops and/or pees their pants A spaceship lands on the roof of the studio and the aliens come inside and start vaporizing audience members with a space laser NFL player wins the whole shebang and starts rolling around the stage like he's on fire So, here you go.

Kristen Wiig

Who Ice-T, Indeed

By | 19 Comments

There's a lot of TV news floating around right now.

#JUSTIFIED

What's On Tonight: A Hair-Raising 'Justified'

By | 11 Comments

Justified (FX) - I could not possibly be more excited about the prospect of a Dickie Bennett/Boyd Crowder collaboration.

#JUSTIFIED

What's On Tonight: Gunfights, Dancing, Etc.

By | 23 Comments

Justified (FX) - ALERT: In light of last week's events, the Boyd Crowder Hair Threat Level has been temporarily elevated from "Child Using a Balloon to Produce Static Electricity" to "Cartoon Electrocution.

jaleel white

Urkel Will Be On 'Dancing With The Stars'

By | 9 Comments

The cast of the upcoming season of "Dancing with the Stars" was announced this morning, and it will include the standard crop of quasi-celebrities and aging icons, such as "Extra" host Maria Menounos, "The View" co-host Sherri Shepherd, Green Bay Packer wide receiver Donald Driver, former tennis champion Martina Navratilova, and singer Gladys Knight.

#NFL

Important News: Dancing With The Stars Season 14 Has Its Sports Guys

By | 8 Comments

The cast for season 14 of ABC’s 'Dancing with the Stars' was unveiled this morning, and to answer the questions you may be having so far: 1.

#KATE UPTON

Victor Cruz Is The New King Of New York

By | 4 Comments

Since defeating the New England Patriots to win Super Bowl XLVI last Sunday, the New York Giants have been celebrating like there’s no tomorrow.

RIP

R.I.P. Etta James

By | 11 Comments

Image via Wikipedia There's really not a lot of TV news this afternoon, so I'd like to take this opportunity to say rest in peace to Etta James.

WHAT'S ON TONIGHT

What’s on Tonight: Robert Wagner Arrested!

By | 29 Comments

NCIS (CBS) -- "How do you solve a murder when your father is the prime suspect.

WHAT'S ON TONIGHT

What’s On Tonight: Not A Lot

By | 17 Comments

Dancing with the Stars (ABC) - Now that <a href="http://www.uproxx.com/tv/2011/10/surprise-surprise">Kristin Cavallari</a> and <a href="http://www.uproxx.com/tv/2011/09/dancing-with-the-stars-is-a-crock-of-sht">Elisabetta Canalis have been voted off</a>, I assume viewers of this show will go back to their usual Monday night plans of hiding in the bushes outside fitness centers and throwing ham at yoga instructors.


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