If you’re like me then you were pretty outraged by this d*ckwarden named Kain Carter blatantly lifting the beloved, late Patrice O’Neal’s jokes. The response on Twitter was remarkable, prompting Carter to release one of the more absurd justifications for being a terrible person you’ll see any time soon. Here, let’s break down just how ridiculous this nine minute video is.
— Carter begins with the age-old argument that he couldn’t have possibly been building his career off the back of Patrice O’Neal because it took people five years to catch him. The “people didn’t catch me” as a defense of doing something horrible is literally the worst argument ever. I don’t imagine many people who enjoy Patrice O’Neal enjoy Carter’s material enough to watch more than a handful of videos. O’Neal fans enjoy actual comedy. Cain fans think “b*tches be like” memes are hilarious. Also, Carter has only been using O’Neal material since January so it’s not like it took the Internet too long to call him on it.
— Carter came up with this excuse that he originally posted a Patrice O’Neal-biting video in January was to get the attention of Dante Nero, to get on his Beige Phillip show. That’s right. He claims to have wanted to steal O’Neal’s whole bit on the off-chance it gets around to Nero and Nero says “yeah, this guy is stealing my friend’s bit so let’s do business together.” And here is where I get on Skype and call my good friend Bullsh*t.
— His furrowed brow annoys me. This isn’t related to anything, but I just wanted to point out that I don’t like looking at his big, stupid joke-stealing face.
— “How can you know you’re doing something wrong if it’s not brought to your attention?” Oh, I don’t know. Attend Kindergarten.
— Then there’s a long anecdote about his phone calls with Nero. I don’t know what happened on those phone calls and I don’t really care. I don’t care what their newfound respect for each other means. Apparently Nero is going to have Carter on his show so they can debate the issue. Here’s how the debate should go:
“You stole Patrice O’Neal’s jokes. You suck.”
“You’re right. I quit.”
— Carter said he was getting “crucified.” Seriously.
— And now everyone who is upset is just a mindless sheep or something or *wanking motion*. God, this guy is the worst.
Anyway, here’s the video. It’s infuriating.
Let’s chase that bile with Patrice O’Neal jokes.