After sending tens of thousands of Russians and allied forces to their deaths to fight against Ukraine, Vladimir Putin seems to be preparing for his own demise—or at least that’s the way it looks, literally. The Russian president has never made a secret of the fact that he thinks he’s pretty hot stuff, as countless shirtless photos of him indicate. War or no war, the murderous dictator seems intent on keeping his youthful glow (!?!) by having so much Botox injected into his body that he looks downright corpse-like.
While Putin is always surrounded by a small team of doctors, Michael Clarke, a visiting professor in the department of war studies at King’s College London, told Metro that there’s “no convincing evidence” that there’s anything actually wrong with Vlad. The man just really loves his fillers. “I always say that he is trying to embalm himself while he’s still alive,” Clarke said, noting that “he does take a lot of Botox.”
“There’s known to be a little team of doctors who are never far away, and it’s said that he leaves meetings at frequent intervals to go and consult with somebody,” Clarke added. “I suspect that he’s only a hypochondriac, to be honest.” Or maybe he’s just a fan of The Real Housewives?
Whatever the case, Putin—who will turn 70 years old in October—seems eerily obsessed with maintaining his vim and vigor. In the past, he has been known to consume and bathe in the blood of Siberian red deer, which some whackos believe stops the aging process. As for why he’s reportedly pooping in a suitcase now? Your guess is as good as ours. But it’s only a matter of time before someone slips up and calls him President Poopin.