If there’s one show that needs to be brought to streaming services, it’s Tales from the Crypt. While we’ve previously sung the praises of Tales from the Darkside, it has little on the talent and production values behind HBO’s horror anthology, which ran on the network for seven seasons from 1989 to 1996. Largely adapted, sometimes loosely, from stories published in EC Comics’ horror titles in the 1950s, Crypt set the standard for horror and comedy, busting out of the limitations of network television to help HBO cement its place in the world of original programming. The guest stars were huge, the effects top-notch (especially in the earlier seasons), and the show’s popularity spawned feature films, spin-offs, and even a children’s cartoon. (That a top-shelf group of producers and directors — Robert Zemeckis, Walter Hill, Richard Donner, Joel Silver, and David Giler — served as its executive producers didn’t hurt, either.)
Today, rights issues and other legal hoops keep the show off of HBO’s streaming platforms. To catch it, you’re stuck watching DVDs. But it’s worth it, and the quality can’t be denied, especially at this time of the year. The only proof you need are the episodes and each entry in this lists makes a fine case for the Cryptkeeper returning to take his place among the greats of HBO’s history:
“And All Through The House” (Season 1, Episode 2)
One of the most memorable episodes of the series, “And All Through the House,” directed by Zemeckis, keeps the scares simple. Mary Ellen Trainor plays a desperate wife looking for a way out and decides burying a fire poker in her husband’s skull is the best way to go. Typically, this would be enough for Crypt to launch into a tale of the vengeful husband’s ghost, but here, there’s also a psycho in a Santa costume on the loose (played by L.A. Law‘s Larry Drake). A chase follows between Trainor and the axe-wielding Santa, all while an innocent daughter sleeps upstairs. There isn’t too much depth to this episode, but it doesn’t need it, especially when it all leads to a killer ending.
“Mournin’ Mess” (Season 3, Episode 10)
Steven Weber from Wings carries this episode, playing a drunken reporter who literally puts his life on the line while investigating a string of homeless killings. Connected is the Grateful Homeless Outcasts and Unwanted Layaways Society — try it as an acronym — represented by PR expert Rita Wilson, who heads a cast playing familiar film noir types. There’s a ghastly, and, yes, ghoulish twist, and Weber’s performance and the gory climax make it memorable.
“Television Terror” (Season 2, Episode 16)
Right-wing blowhard Morton Downey Jr. had lost his trashy talk show by the time this episode aired in 1990, but he was still a well-known public figure. That makes this episode satisfying for several reasons. Downey plays a send-up of his own real-life self and other TV egos like Geraldo Rivera. His character’s pursuit of ratings seems have reached a dead end when his show investigates a haunted house — until the ghosts make an appearance and things take an unexpected turn.
“Top Billing” (Season 3, Episode 5)
One of the most satisfying episodes of the entire series, “Top Billing” features actors playing against type — namely Jon Lovitz playing a Shakespearean actor — and has one of the more gloriously dark endings you’ll see on this list. Lovitz plays Barry, a struggling actor seeking out that one role that will win him acclaim. He thinks he’s found it with the lead role in a free production of Hamlet, but his rival Winton (Bruce Boxleitner) shows up to steal the spotlight. To remedy this, Barry kills him, but soon discovers that the theater troupe isn’t all that it seems.
John Astin of The Addams Family and Paul Benedict from The Jeffersons fill out the acting group, only they’re actually escaped lunatics who have murdered their keepers and turned the asylum into a theater. They’ve already cast Hamlet, but need Lovitz for… a different role. The ending is grisly, darkly comic, and a tad bittersweet.
“Split Second” (Season 3, Episode 11)
Love triangles and femmes fatale are all over Tales from the Crypt, but it’s the creative punishment in this tale of a lusty waitress and her lumberjack husband — taken directly from the original EC story — that sets it apart. Action mainstay Brion James plays the boss of a lumberjack camp who ends up married to Liz, a waitress who is only after his riches. This doesn’t go well, especially when a younger, sexier lumberjack shows up to the camp looking for a job.
“Werewolf Concerto” (Season 4, Episode 13)
“Werewolf Concerto” is a mystery story with a werewolf twist — and it doesn’t involve discovering the identity of a lupine fiend. Instead, the episode reveals that Timothy Dalton is the werewolf, one who’s forced to find out who has come to a remote lodge to hunt him down. There’s mystery and intrigue throughout the episode, including a fake-out involving an ex-Nazi on the run and an appearance by Carl Winslow himself, Reginald VelJohnson. Dalton hams it up as his werewolf, and the ultimate reveal is worth the build-up.
“Death of Some Salesman” (Season 5, Episode 1)
Casting Ed Begley Jr. as a sleazy, womanizing salesman ought to be a tough sell, but Begley makes it work. He’s not the only reason this episode excels, though, more the spark that puts the engine in motion — an engine called Tim Curry. Curry plays all three members of the Brackett family, including the disgusting Winona, and they’re all used to dealing with scumbag salesmen. Pa Brackett usually takes care of them with his shotgun, while Ma is more worried about finding a husband for Winona. That’s the situation Begley Jr. ends up in, deciding that marrying Winona is worth it if it allows him to save his life — and get him closer to the family’s dowry.
“Forever Ambergris” (Season 5, Episode 3)
The Who’s Roger Daltrey delivers a weak performance as a veteran photographer with bad intentions, but this episode features some of the show’s best effects. Daltrey’s also got a hell of a supporting cast, including Steve Buscemi and, as a young rival, Rebecca De Mornay. The innards of this tale take a moment to reveal themselves, but once they come pouring out, they really come pouring out.
“The Assassin” (Season 6, Episode 8)
Corey Feldman, Jonathan Banks, and Chelsea Field play government spooks come to a suburban home seeking to eliminate their former associate. Shelley Hack plays the unfortunate homeowner, forced to deal with the assassins while her husband is at work. Banks ends up playing the role of a cleaner, much like his future turn on Breaking Bad, and it all builds to a twist. And, boy, what a twist.
“Cutting Cards” (Season 2, Episode 3)
Kevin Tighe and Lance Henriksen deliver fine performances as two gamblers that don’t face horror in the traditional sense — just the terrifying fear of losing. Both decide to find out who’s the best between them and pull out contests that are meant to be fatal to the loser. The only trouble: Both men seem to be a losing streak, leading to some high-quality dark comedy involving missing limbs and a gun that won’t kill its target.
Walter Hill’s direction is tense, but the beauty of this episode is in the episode is the way it shines the spotlight on two actors usually better known for their supporting work in television and film.
Honorable Mentions
“Yellow” (Season 2, Episode 14)
One of three Crypt episodes produced for the failed war series spin-off Two-Fisted Tales — based on another classic EC Comics series — “Yellow” is less about horror and more about the dread created by war. Robert Zemeckis directs and Kirk Douglas plays the lead, with Dan Aykroyd and Douglas’ son, Eric, appearing in supporting roles.
“What’s Cookin'” (Season 4, Episode 6)
Christopher Reeve stars as a dim restaurant owner who decides to only serve squid — for a while. The idea of Superman cooking and eating people should be enough to lure in the casual viewer, but the episode also features Meat Loaf and Judd Nelson.
“Dig That Cat…He’s Real Gone” (Season 1, Episode 3)
Richard Donner directs an episode that gives Joe Pantoliano a plum role as Uric, a homeless man granted the nine lives of a cat by a wayward mad scientist.