https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PirxxO-ZGk8
It’s Friday, so if you’re reading this, it means that you’ve had enough of your day job and you just want something cathartic to unravel the tension that’s been building up in you all week. What you need is a child crying tears of joy. What you need is a lost dog that has now been found. What you need is clearly right here.
In a video that’s gone viral, a young man (this is not a boy — only men cry tears of joy over animals) locks eyes onto a dog named “Case,” which is probably short for Casey or Castor Troy. The boy and Case embrace, and the young man begins to weep tears of satisfaction, his loving dog now back in his warm snuggle-maneuver. It’s honestly a touching moment.
Still, I tend to misunderstand the idea of “tears of joy,” perhaps because I’ve never been happy enough in my life to elicit such a response to anything. Therefore, I’ve set free my pet cockatoo today. His name is Henri. Henri will be back. And when he does, I’m going to give him my snuggle-maneuver. Tears will stream down my face as I scream a stentorian boast to the sky: “You’ve returned, my Henri… You’ve returned.”
Then, I will crush him with my palms because I don’t believe in love and my soul-nipples have icicles dangling from them.