All the way back in May, Cajun Boy told you about The Canyons, the Kickstarter-funded movie written by Bret Easton Ellis and starring the American Psycho author’s creepy Twitter crush, porn star James Deen, about “five twenty-something’s quest for power, love, sex and success in 2012 Hollywood.” How retro.
Well, thanks to the $159,015 it raised from people like you (suck it, PBS), the movie was actually made, with not only Deen, but also with freckled trainwreck Lindsay Lohan, who, in a New York Times profile by Stephen Rodrick about the shooting of the film, sounded like a total monster to work with. Shocking, right? Only LiLo can make Ellis seem tame by comparison.
Here are eight of the craziest excerpts from the story with GIF reactions.
#1.
Schrader mentioned that he was still trying to cast a psychiatrist, a small but pivotal role.
“I called Jeff Goldblum and Willem Dafoe. They’re not available. So, any ideas?”
Lohan squealed and said, “How about Jared?”
Schrader nodded approvingly.
“Jared Harris?”
“No, Jared Leto.”
#2.
Lohan headed for [Schrader’s hotel room in Beverly Hills] the Orlando. She pounded on doors until she found Schrader’s room. As she banged on his door, she texted him manically. Schrader could hear her crying but wouldn’t let her in. He texted her instead.
“Lindsay, go home.”
#3.
Deen came to life; throwing the negligée-wearing Lohan hard to the ground and pounding his fist into a wall with such fury I wondered if he had broken his hand. Lohan lay slumped on the floor, her hands guarding her face, shoulders shaking, tears pouring down her cheeks. Between takes, she listened to Ryan Adams’s cover of “Wonderwall.” After three shots, Schrader said he was satisfied, and Lohan fumbled for a cigarette. She headed downstairs, and someone complimented her work.
“Well, I’ve got a lot of experience with that from my dad.”
#4.
Another hour passed, and Lohan eventually moved to the bed but wouldn’t remove her robe. Schrader worried that the early-morning sunlight would begin streaming through the house. He thought of sending everyone home. But then he realized that there was one thing he hadn’t yet tried. He stripped off all of his clothes.
#5.
Schrader told the crew they’d shoot the rest of the scene with hand-held cameras. That way, wherever Lohan was standing would be her mark. As equipment was reset, Lohan retreated to the patio for a smoke. She still had her mike on, so anyone wearing headphones could hear her.
“I’ve got one assistant passed out at my house and the other one in the Palisades saying he wants to hang himself. Life’s great.”
#6.
That’s when things started to get really weird. Lady Gaga was now staying at the Chateau, and that wasn’t great news for The Canyons. Lohan missed her morning call, and then she left the shoot for lunch with friends, running up a $600 tab on sushi, sake and vodka.
#7.
Schrader was already scouting the location by the time Lohan arrived at the suite with her entourage. She smiled and waved to everyone and then noticed a magazine with Oliver Stone on the cover. She picked it up and ripped it into pieces, cursing. (Lohan had been considered for a role in Stone’s Savages, but the director eventually passed.) She then went into the bedroom, calling out, “Does anyone want a beer?”
#8.
She climbed out of her car and turned to the photographers.
“I’ll make a deal with you. I’ll give you a good shot, but then you have to go.” Lohan turned to her good side and hiked her floor-length skirt up to show a little leg.
“O.K., five, four, three, two, one. Now you have to go.”
What a gal.
But really.