Social media is dark and full of terrors spoilers. To avoid spoiling the fun for fans on the west coast and those who have to wait to beg, borrow, or steal an HBO Go password, this season I”m confining my stream-of-consciousness thoughts to this liveblog. Follow along or flee in fear. Here there be spoilers! Catch up on Episode Five, 'The Door' over here.
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[9:01PM EDT] – No one has time for your late nonsense, HBO. We don't care about your other shows right now. Let's gooooo!
[9:02PM EDT] – Oh good, the Freys are back. Let's hope the Blackfish or Lady Stoneheart or Sansa or Nymeria wipes their house from the face of the Earth. Watching Dany's triumphant burning of the patriarchy is still awesome, but with the distance of a week? I'm still not okay with her White Savior trope arc.
[9:06PM EDT] – If Meera is still alive and dragging Bran's warging butt, then Hodor is the best door holder of all time. I mean, that was probably a couple thousand ice zombies.
[9:09PM EDT] – Suddenly, a wild Coldhands appears! He uses, “I'm a badass!” It's super effective!!!!
[9:10PM EDT] – Do you know what this means? It means there is still hope for Lady Stoneheart.
[9:12PM EDT] – I really enjoy the quiet domesticity of Sam and Gilly. But good LORD, I always forget how big the major castles are in Westeros. We're so far off the map here; book readers haven't been here yet. All I know is I don't like Sam's dad and I hope Gilly kills him. Nothing shows the passage of time though like how big baby Sam has gotten.
[9:15PM EDT] – I knew it from the promotional photo, but it's nice to see that Margaery really IS so good at the game. She still has her hair AND the High Sparrow truly believes the Queen is repentant. WELL PLAYED. She's even lying to Tommen, knowing either people are listening or that Tommen will tell on her progress. Girl would be a great undercover agent in another life.
[9:22PM EDT] – This is every awkward family dinner ever distilled into one scene. Gilly is looking at Lord Tarly disrespecting Sam like he's grown a second, more annoying head.
[9:27PM EDT] – The only reason I can think of for this storyline involving Gilly is to show Sam's father has the sword…which he is now stealing. To kill White Walkers with.
[9:30PM EDT] – I bet you a shiny nickel Arya is going to kill the actress playing her sister Sansa. Which is gonna be awkward.
[9:35PM EDT] – Yessss. It's about time, Arya Stark returned. Time to leave this House of Black and White and get back to the business of killing those who hurt her family.
[9:38M EDT] – When the Tyrells come to the rescue, they do it with STYLE.
[9:42PM EDT] – Dammit, now we have to wait for Tommen to die before we can kill the High Sparrow. Looking at you, Queen Margaery.
[9:45PM EDT] – So what now? Tommen sends Jaime to the Wall where he'll join the Lannister army to the Starks and then the Tyrells will join and we'll all march South and KILL THE HIGH SPARROW….or send him to Riverrun. Whatever.
[9:49PM EDT] – Benjen is Coldhands. George R. R. Martin even lied to his editor. COLD AS ICE.
[9:52PM EDT] – Yeah, I'm still not feeling Dany's storyline as the conqueror of the world. Not sure if this is by design or accident. But I just don't care.
[9:55PM EDT] – Um, excuse you HBO? You start late and end early? We can tell time, you know.
See y'all next week!