Saturday, CNN’s social media team went a little overboard when it came to documenting Donald Trump’s mindset. It was the day after the hotly anticipated, potentially earth-shattering Mueller report had been filed, and the news network decided to mark the occasion by channeling F. Scott Fitzgerald as interpreted by a precocious fifth grader who just discovered The Great Gatsby.
On the evening Robert Mueller submitted his report to the Justice Department, President Trump was on the tiled patio of Mar-a-Lago, bathed in golden light, with his wife and son Barron, who had reached teenagerhood two days earlier https://t.co/hJ6Mtvkqru pic.twitter.com/STbnNwEQYi
— CNN (@CNN) March 23, 2019
“On the evening Robert Mueller submitted his report to the Justice Department, President Trump was on the tiled patio of Mar-a-Lago, bathed in golden light, with his wife and son Barron, who had reached teenagerhood two days earlier,” read the tweet. Above it was a picture of a sullen-looking commander-in-chief, his posture slack, his head drooped in repose, perhaps weighed down by a brief moment of introspection or melancholy (but probably not).
Yet Twitter’s cadre of English teachers didn’t give the tweet a passing grade.
Ah, a bold choice to try and channel Fitzgerald? 'Gatsby' isn't a bad choice, but poorly executed. Re-read the text or just the quotes. https://t.co/PPWSXdTRQD
— Julie Wilcox WX (@JulieWilcoxWX) March 24, 2019
CNN just completed a creative nonfiction writing seminar and desperately wants someone to ask how it went. https://t.co/Ya2Ajsg3ch
— Dwayne David Paul (@DwayneDavidPaul) March 24, 2019
https://twitter.com/TabathaSouthey/status/1109607647441899522
reads like the opening of a Vonnegut short story where some booj suburban parents eat their kids https://t.co/VZ1gaNIKYu
— if my grandson is reading this, call me (@ChrisCaesar) March 23, 2019
https://twitter.com/PostCultRev/status/1109592253603807233
Somebody fed the CNN AI a copy of Gilgamesh. https://t.co/XbfQ3Mylqg
— Bill Kartalopoulos (@bkny) March 24, 2019
Dear @CNN:
Thank you for allowing us to read your work. We enjoyed this submission, but unfortunately it wasn't right for us at this time. We regret that the volume of submissions we receive prevents us from responding personally.
Sincerely,
The Editors https://t.co/8ce3VPrZDc
— Dan O’Brien (@danobrienwriter) March 24, 2019
https://twitter.com/comradesipho/status/1109737332234698752
One person reworked it as the opening of James Joyce’s Ulysses.
STATELY, PLUMP TRUMP DONALDO CAME FROM THE OMELETTE STATION, bearing a television remote control on which lay an emolument and an Adderall pill. A thread-of-gold dressing gown, ungirdled, was sustained gently behind him by the mild morning air. He held his hair aloft and tweeted: https://t.co/2laSemw6tm
— Kurt Busiek (@KurtBusiek) March 24, 2019
Some compared it to writers quite a bit lesser than Fitzgerald or whoever wrote Epic of Gilgamesh.
Is Danielle Steel writing for CNN now? https://t.co/rzg5vZovjE
— Judi Garcia (@JudiSGarcia) March 24, 2019
Wasn't aware Nicholas Sparks was writing for CNN… https://t.co/PH8ApbMfLZ
— Andrew Donaldson (@four4thefire) March 23, 2019
Was CNN hacked by the “Twilight” novelist? Jesus. 🤣😂
— Jonny Radtke (@JonnyRadtke) March 24, 2019
Or pointed out the simple grammatical error.
pretty amazing that the poor syntax implying he is married to his son is only like the third weirdest thing about this sentence https://t.co/1Kpnc1JfEi
— Anthony Oliveira (@meakoopa) March 24, 2019
Others interpreted it as the maiden entry in a game of Exquisite Corpse.
And as the president glistened with luxuriant amber gris, he looked directly into the solar eclipse and saw God. https://t.co/E4wyvJPDVC
— catturd2.bsky.social (@thetomzone) March 23, 2019
, and whose hand shook as he gripped the ceremonial knife and watched the sacrificial bull be led toward the dias, its horns festooned with fresh flowers. But this was the rite that all boys of the Order must perform. https://t.co/goT8S9jXMl
— Thing Bad (@Merman_Melville) March 23, 2019
https://twitter.com/JenKirkman/status/1109708841451610112
Some brought up the perhaps imminent pee tape.
https://twitter.com/davidstassen/status/1109593152170520576
https://twitter.com/sooner930/status/1109592870363820033
*whipping head around like Benedict Cumberbatch Sherlock* bathed…. golden…. golden shower…. pee tape https://t.co/CcM4iYtHxK
— respectful huff (@alexqarbuckle) March 23, 2019
Or attempted to compare Trump to Man Who Fell to Earth-era David Bowie.
I am aware that this doesn't quite work. pic.twitter.com/CCQQ1ZuzeY
— David Roth (@david_j_roth) March 24, 2019
Or maybe the tweeter was just high.
https://twitter.com/webster/status/1109599399129292802
how high are you guys right now https://t.co/DpTToFuxEC
— Christian Vanderbrouk 🇺🇸🇮🇱🇺🇦 (@UrbanAchievr) March 23, 2019