Hey you. Yeah you. Look, I don’t mean to intrude but, well, you look kind of down today. I’m not saying you look bad, just kind of down. Your eyes look a little tired. There’s no spring in your step. Is it because your ex keeps posting wedding pictures on Facebook for the sole purpose of making YOU jealous? Or maybe you just found out that your current significant other did some unsafe sexing in a bathroom with Andy Dick one night back in 2003 after inhaling too much cocaine at a club. Look, it sucks, I know, but these things happen. I know you feel like your world is crumbling before your very eyes — trust me I’ve been there — and that you feel like you don’t have a friend who understands, a friend who gets you, but I’ve got just the thing to turn that frowny frown-frown of yours upside down: a Kevin Bacon Pep Talk.
When you’re down and troubled and you need a helping hand, and nothing, whoa nothing is going right. Close your eyes and think of Kevin Bacon and soon he’ll be there to brighten up even your darkest nights with a pep talk. You just call out his name, and you know wherever he is, he’ll come running, oh yeah baby, to see you again. Winter, spring, summer, or fall, all you got to do is call and he’ll be there, yeah, yeah, yeah. You’ve got a friend in Keven Bacon.
(My apologies to James Taylor. More Kevin Bacon Pep Talks are after the jump)
