Folks, I know how broken up you all are about that mouth-breathing dummy heading to the Super Bowl on a technicality, but enough! It’s time to let it go already! And get back doing the things we love, like Comments of the Week! I told you I was going to start making you guys vote for the winner — paste your favorite comments into the comments section below throughout the week to nominate them, and use the “reply” function to vote for your favorites — and this is what you chose.
[From Woman with two vaginas spurns million dollar porn offer] Stinky Pete says: Just like her to be holier than thou.
So congratulations, Stinky Pete, send me your shirt size and color preference. (The rest of you can still buy shirts here, I’ve still got every size available).
Runner up:
From Tarantino’s Top 11 Films of 2011:
Jabask: You know what they call The King’s Speech in Europe? “Royal with cheese.”
From Cormac McCarthy sold a movie script:
Jabask: “For eight and forty hours they bore knowledge of the corpse between them like some grim puppet stitched and stringed from the fabric of the damned amongst the revelers who shrieked about the house by the sand like gaudy crows hopping to and fro, as the dark figure watched over them, the avatar of the slippery power of a shadowy cabal’s tendrils. In fraud they found a false gem of honesty with which they had first been brought to spread but then this gem revealed itself as coal and the pair wailed and gnashed at the dead meat which they had found and in doing so they perpetuated new frauds, ones not built of numbers and deceptions upon the printed page, but ones of bodily reality, a hangman’s ruse. Though conceived in a pounding panic delirious and unlikely, as the fantastic bloody charade persisted on the island under the sallow moon and with the sound of deep water eroding hard land grain by rock by grain in a battle of attrition older than hate itself Larry and Richard began to enjoy this, their weekend at Bernie’s.”
From Dane Cook bombs hard at the Laugh Factory:
Trent Cole Train says: If Mark Wahlberg was in the audience, he would have never let this happen.
I’m not going to lie, that Cormac McCarthy-does-Weekend-at-Bernies comment would’ve been hard to overlook if I was choosing the winner. But I suppose a vagina joke winning is more fitting. Speaking of, here are your Honorable Mentions.
From Hazel “Two Vaginas” Jones offered a million dollars for porn:
Good Grief :I’m just holding out for B.Pumper to get involved. THINK HOW MANY FARTS HE COULD PACK INTO DOUBLE THE MONKEY FOO-FOO!
“Oh and it’s shaved. Oh and it’s shaved, too.”Elle07: She sounds like a Port Authority
Elle07: Oh, the brits. Poor dental hygiene leads to too many cavities!
From Haley Joel Osment is back and he’s gay in Sassy Pants:
GlennBeckHasAIDS: In retrospect it would’ve served him better if his Sixth Sense was “I can experience a full stomach.”
From Cormac McCarthy sold a movie script (with the help of his agent, Binky Urban):
Bender: Binky Urban is Raffi’s hip-hop alter-ego.
And one for the spambots:
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Hey, she knows her target audience. Anyway, thanks for another great week, everyone. And don’t forget to buy a FilmDrunk shirt. These boxes aren’t going to remove themselves from my bedroom themselves. It’s not like there are girls attached to them.