Morning Links Are Sweet Like Tiramissle

Links

The 15 Most Absurd Lyrics from Lil Wayne’s Tha Carter IV – My favorite link of the day. I love it when we can take a step back and say “wait a minute, ‘hey fat fellow with the hair colored yellow’ is a terrible song lyric, why do I like this song?” Bar-tennen an shreppin babeh! [Smoking Section]

Football Guys – Mr. Jon Bois picks up our Deadspin feature from years ago and does something productive (arguably) with it. I am absolutely going to write one of these soon, per the terms of our licensing deal. Also included in the deal: I get Jon’s Sega Genesis. [SBN]

This Week in Movie Posters: Sean Astin Is Doin Great – I wanted to write that there is no movie in the world I’d like to see less than Three Musketeers, but then I got to the Puss In Boots 3D poster. Buzz, your Every Movie Being Released … woof. [Film Drunk]

The Best and Worst of WWE Raw 8/29 – Included here to make sure you read it before The Best And Worst of WWE Super Smackdown Live goes up a little later. Beth Phoenix in a corset top is in the header, so at least click the link and see what that’s about. [With Leather]

Costco Sells 14 Pounds of Guy Fieri’s Meat – I don’t think Guy Fieri has a single bodypart that weighs less than 14 pounds, and that includes his sunglasses. He’s probably the pleeb leaving me “you like vegan cookies ew gross” comments. [Warming Glow]

That $25 Computer Can Run Quake III – This seems impressive at first, but yeah, even calculators these days come loaded up with Angry Birds. My picture frame can play Excitebike, who cares? [Gamma Squad]

Iron Maiden Frontman Flying People Stranded by Irene Out of NYC – with SINISTER MOTIVES, no doubt. If the guy from Iron Maiden called me up and offered me a plane ticket, my first 300 questions would be “why are you calling me”. [UPROXX]

HIV Case Shuts Down Porn Industry – In a related story, does anybody personally know Allie Sin? If porno is gonna have a lockout, I uh, want to hire her as my housekeeper. [Film Drunk]

The 12 Most Annoying Types of College Students – #13, “all college students”. I hated college students when I was in college. [Buzzfeed]

Great Bands That Overcame Crappy Debut Albums – Even more impressive is Incubus, who have survived despite releasing seven crappy albums. [FARK]

10 Professions Tim Tebow Should Consider Instead of Football – Tim Tebow is going to end up running for President one day, isn’t he? There you go, calling it right now. President Tebow is going to happen, and OH MAN are the abortion jokes going to be non-stop. The Smoking Jacket]

Daryl Hannah Got Arrested at the White House – Obama should’ve slammed her face into the toilet and squished her eyeball with his foot. [Moviefone]

5 DC Comics Characters That Would Be Awesome on the Small Screen – As dorky as I am, part of me wants comic book people to spend the next 20 years making comic books good again so when we make movies and TV shows about them they don’t have to be terrible. Like, imagine how good Captain America would’ve been if Cap had been cool since like 1986? [AOL TV]

Hey! It’ that Woman from that Show! You Know the One. Her. Yeah! Her! – Did you know that actresses often appear in more than one thing? I didn’t, so this was especially eye-opening to me. [Pajiba]

Meet the Girl Who Only Cosplays Zelda Characters – Or, “get excited about this girl who probably wouldn’t be cute if I didn’t want to put it in Saria so bad”. Tell her to dress like Ganon and we’ll talk. [Pajiba]