While commuters in the greater Boston area were busily trying to find transport home late Tuesday, police in Merrimack, N.H. decided to take matters into their own hands. Did they attach additional plows to their cruisers in order to clear the roads? Ferry people home from overcrowded train stations? Melt snow with flamethrowers?
Instead of these three awesome options (especially No. 3), they issued an arrest warrant for Punxsutawney Phil, the famous Pennsylvanian rodent whose complicated relationship with light allegedly determines winter’s end. The Merrimack Police Department’s Facebook page broke the news:
Obviously, it’s a joke. And true to form, comment trolls have already posted complaints about the warrant announcement being a waste of taxpayers’ dollars.
Like most New Englanders, I’m mad, too, but not about where my taxes are going. Instead, I’m mad about the little rodent’s inability to accurately predict and/or control the weather. Seriously, we should put the sniveling little sh*t behind bars. That, or sick Bill Murray on him.
Also, hate to break it to you, Merrimack, but Murray’s Caddyshack character wasn’t preoccupied with a groundhog. He was huntin’ a gopher.