What started as a serious situation in the standoff in Oregon has quickly devolved into plenty of jokes. We’ve got #TarpMan, the Star Wars treatment, and someone even managed to find a Fallout 4 reference in there. Part of the humor lies in the confusing nature of the Bundy militia’s demands — ever since they took over the wildlife refuge, some of the group’s intentions haven’t been very concrete or meaningful. That’s why we decided to rank all of their asks, from best to worst.
1. Snacks – Fighting to destroy the federal government can make a man hungry. That’s why they’re lucky that PETA was all over it with some vegan jerky. A quick 7-11 run and they should be good to go.
2. Someone to look after their cows – One of the gunmen has claimed he needs to go home because he had “cows that are scattered and lost.” So this whole armed fiasco could keep going if they find some kind of cow-babysitter.
3. Money – Okay so they haven’t asked for this directly, but Ammon Bundy, the leader of the militia, asked for a federal loan of $530,000 for his small business back in 2010. He believes that there is a place for big U.S. government: In protecting states from the outside world. I’d rather also have some protection from armed protestors within our own borders.
4. Freedom…to commit arson – The protest started because of the conviction of ranchers whose fire spread to federal land. One of the Bundy militia’s demands is that their sentences be reduced. Because if you can’t commit arson on public lands, where can you?
5. Gear – What does this mean? Just mysterious gear. Maybe sports gear, camping gear, or Richard Gere. Maybe this is Fallout 4 after all, and they’re building out their settlement.