Kobe Bryant‘s Culinary Farewell tour continues with our first extended road trip. Kobe travels to San Antonio and Indianapolis before enjoying the festivities in Toronto for All-Star Weekend. It’s kind of fitting that the Spurs and Pacers are Kobe’s last two opponents before his final All-Star appearance, as both teams have significant places in his legacy. The Spurs have been a constant thorn in Kobe’s side, and Vino won his first NBA title in 2000 against the Pacers.
The best way to bid farewell to these rivals? Food, of course. And we’ve got just the menu for the Mamba.
San Antonio (Lakers vs. Spurs, 2/6/16)
Puffy Tacos
You’re goddamn right Kobe’s eating tacos.
San Antonio may be home to the Alamo, the River Walk and Gregg Popovich, but most importantly, they have some of the best freaking tacos your tongue will ever have the pleasure of tasting. In fact, with so many famous joints, it was nearly impossible to pick a single taco shop for Kobe. Sure, we could send him to La Gloria, but we wouldn’t want to rob him of the delightful El Rafas Cafe, obviously. In the end, we decided on Los Barrios, and their signature shredded chicken puffy taco.
Barbecue
Tacos, of course, are just one of the two essential food groups in San Antonio, with the other being, obviously, barbecue. Just in case Kobe’s not feeling tacos (which, is that even humanly possible?), we suggest he takes a quick drive to Lockhart, Texas, where he can do a quick barbecue tour of Blacks’, Kreuz Market, Smitty’s Market, and Chisholm Trail. If he makes it through such a gauntlet, well, he’s truly deserving of his place among the all-time greats.
Indianapolis (Lakers vs. Pacers, 2/8/16)
St. Elmo Steakhouse
Indianapolis may seem like one of the NBA’s more nondescript cities, but inside this supposedly sleepy town are more than a few great places to grab a bite. First up, because playing a defense as stout as the Pacers can be the most draining thing in the world, we’re sending Kobe to the famous St. Elmo Steakhouse.
The fabled steakhouse, which has appeared in TV shows like Parks and Recreation, is more than a mere restaurant – it’s an institution. It’s been around since 1902, and it wouldn’t be surprising to see it stick around for 200 more years. Given how bone-tired Kobe will be after being hounded by Paul George and George Hill, he’ll need quite the meal to refuel. So why not go all out and order the 28oz porterhouse steak, and complement it with sides of asparagus, creamed spinach and King Crab mac and cheese? Go all out, Kobe. You deserve it.
Shapiro’s Delicatessen
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There’s a chance, though, that Kobe simply isn’t feeling all of those rich, heavy dishes, which is totally fine. Sometimes decadence isn’t the answer, nor is fancy. Sometimes, the perfect meal is a good helping of well-prepared meat squished between two slices of bread. Sometimes, you just want a freaking sandwich. That’s exactly what Kobe will get at another Indy institution (Indstitution? No? Okay, no more puns): Shapiro’s Delicatessen.
The kosher deli has been around almost as long as St. Elmo’s, serving expertly prepared meats like corned beef, pastrami, turkey and tongue. Shapiro’s is famous for their smoked tongue, so it’s only right that Kobe indulges when he stops by. Pair that with some latkes and maybe even some matzo ball soup and Kobe will enjoy a meal even your bubbe would approve of.
Toronto (NBA All-Star Game 2/14/16)
Poutini’s
Kobe’s final All-Star appearance deserves a meal of bacchanalian proportions. Put in layman’s terms: HE NEEDS POUTINE. Where better to get said delicacy than a place that has poutine in the name – Poutini’s!
The self-proclaimed house of poutine has every sort of poutine the Black Mamba could possibly want: regular poutine, bacon poutine, pulled pork poutine, smoked meat poutine (what kind of meat? Don’t worry about it!), and more. Given that this is Canada, a place famous for its smoked meat, we’d tell Kobe to go with the smoked meat poutine. We’d also tell Kobe not to eat it before a game, because all that cheese and fried food swirling around in your stomach during a game is not a pleasant feeling.
Rasher’s
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Peameal bacon may not be as internationally celebrated as poutine, but it’s just as mouthwatering. First, a quick explainer. It’s called “peameal” bacon because, in the early days of the dish, the bacon was rolled in dried and ground yellow peas to preserve its shelf life. These days, it’s wrapped in cornmeal, but that name has already stuck and “cornmeal bacon” doesn’t have the same ring to it as “peameal.”
As for where Kobe can sink his teeth into this grease-filled goodness, he needs to head to Rasher’s, which calls itself “North America’s Only Bacon Sandwich Shop.” While Rasher’s isn’t short on options, we suggest Kobe doesn’t get too adventurous and just orders the “Hogtown,” which has tender pieces of peameal bacon on a warmed bun.