This week’s box office match up pitted two sure things against each other in a battle for who could make me feel more out of touch: Adam Sandler’s most half-assed wank fart paycheck movie (from a script by Allan Loeb!), Just Go With It, or the latest pre-pubescent devout Christian sex symbol biopic The Jonas Brothers 3D Concert Experience Justin Bieber’s Never Say Never. The verdict? The baby Jesus has spoken, and he says he wants you to stop blaming him for the whole Bieber thing. “I don’t even know what a Justin Bieber is,” he was quoted as saying, before turning up his Motorhead record.
That’s right, according to early numbers, Sandler was beating Bieber by about a million dollars, in a victory for Joe Sixpack over Joe Sixpack’s annoying wiener kids.
Distributor Paramount Pictures’ research showed that 84 percent of Bieber’s audience was female, and 67 percent was under 25 years old. Females graded the movie an “A+” in CinemaScore’s moviegoer polling. [BoxofficeMojo]
The other 16% was made up of hopeful pedophiles and adolescent boys mistakenly believing the quickest way to a girl’s heart is through platonic friendship. Oh you poor bastards.
Overall, it was an up weekend at the box office, with both movies bringing in more than $30 million. Which is great news for… uh… someone, I guess.
| Film | Weekend | Per Screen | Total | |
| 1 | Just Go With It | $31,000,000 | $8,737 | $31,000,000 |
| 2 | Justin Bieber: Never Say Never | $30,260,000 | $9,746 | $30,260,000 |
| 3 | Gnomeo and Juliet | $25,500,000 | $8,517 | $25,500,000 |
| 4 | The Eagle | $8,589,000 | $3,741 | $8,589,000 |
| 5 | The Roommate | $8,400,000 (-44.0%) | $3,315 | $26,053,000 |
| 6 | The King’s Speech | $7,412,000 (-3.9%) | $3,275 | $93,857,000 |
| 7 | No Strings Attached | $5,645,000 (-29.5%) | $2,048 | $59,866,000 |
| 8 | Sanctum | $5,132,000 (-45.7%) | $1,840 | $17,505,000 |
| 9 | True Grit | $3,770,000 (-18.8%) | $1,819 | $160,340,000 |
| 10 | The Green Hornet | $3,600,000 (-39.7%) | $1,722 | $92,332,000 |
Down at the 26 slot, Cedar Rapids earned $311,000 at 15 locations for a $20,733 average, which is promising news for the people who want to see it who don’t live on the coasts. Call me crazy, but it seems wrong to make a movie about the Midwest and then, you know, NOT OPEN IT IN THE MIDWEST. It’s like that old Paul Rodriguez joke: “How you gonna make a movie called “Green Card” and not have any Mexicans in it? Chale, I’m gonna make a movie called “Gold Card” and not put any white people in it.”
Taught George Lopez everything he knows.