When Channing Tatum posted this photo to Facebook last night, I immediately rode my Segway down the hallway of the UPROXX mansion to Danger Guerrero’s private ball pit and I shouted, “ZOMG YOU HAVE TO SEE THIS PHOTO!” He almost spit out his entire shark dinner when he saw this photo, and he demanded that I write 1,000 words about how awesome it is. But how? How on Earth do I even begin to describe this photo of C-Tates taking a break from writing Magic Mike 2 to stare at his very own bust of Matthew McConaughey?
Maybe I should start with Tatum’s feathered cap. Does he always wear a feathered cap or is that just reserved for when he’s writing? What kind of bird if that feather from? My guess is it’s an eagle or a hawk because, “Dems B da dopest of all da birdies, yo.” But screw the hat, you guys. Screw everything about this picture except for the most obvious part – how the hell did he get a bust of MC Conaughey?
Does Matthew McConaughey have classical busts made for all of his co-stars as a gift? Or did Tatum just keep this one from Magic Mike so he can reign supreme as the only man in the universe who owns such an artifact? It has to be the latter, because McConaughey owes his recent run of critical success to his role as Dallas in Magic Mike, according to a really lazy theory that I have. McConaughey was absolutely robbed when he wasn’t even nominated for Best Supporting Actor, let alone Best Song for “Ladies of Tampa,” and so the Academy and other awards voters have been making up for their shame by celebrating his role in Dallas Buyers Club. Sure, you could argue that his performance was brave and flawless and the pinnacle of his already wonderful career, but I’d counter with the fact that his turn as a male stripper in Magic Mike was far better, because it made a theater full of middle-aged women, drunk college girls and gay men scream with delight, as I laughed hysterically for hours after the movie even ended.
In conclusion, there’s not a frame powerful enough to hold this amazing picture, but it deserves to be hanging in a VIP room at the Louvre.