This is an actual prayer, from actual clergyman Joe Nelms, of Family Baptist Church in Tennessee: “Dear Lord, thank you for these mighty machines that you’ve brought before us. Thank you for the Dodges and the Toyotas. Thank you for the Fords, and most of all, we thank you for Roush and Yates partnerin’, to give us the power that we see before us tonight. THANK YOU FOR GM PERFORMANCE TECHNOLOGY AND RO7 ENGINES! THANK YOU FOR SUNOCO RACING FUEL AND GOODYEAR TIRES THAT BRING PERFORMANCE AND POWER TO THE TRACK! LORD I WANT TO THANK YOU FOR MY SMOKIN’ HOT WIFE, LISA! MY TWO CHILDREN, ELI AND EMMA, OR AS WE LIKE TO CALL ‘EM, THE LITTLE HEATHENS. … IN JESUS NAME, BOOGITY BOOGITY BOOGITY AMEN!” Okay, so apparently he stole the “smokin’ hot wife” part from Talladega Nights and the “Boogity Boogity Boogity, Amen part (MY GOD, WHY DON’T ALL PRAYERS END THIS WAY???) from Darrell Waltrip. Still, there was a good portion of that that was all Joe Nelms. I’m not sure whitey will be allowed to laugh at crazy black preachers after this. [Thanks to Tennesseean Leah for the tip]
MORNING LINKS
Celebrating Mediocrity: The 10 Living Oscar Winners Who’ve Since Made at Least 5 Straight Rotten Films |UPROXX|
Unbreak My Heart: A Retrospective of Jay Cutler and Kristin Cavallari |With Leather|
Talking Trades: 5 Deadline Deals That Should Go Down |Smoking Section|
Comic-Con Photo Diary Part 2 |Film Drunk|
San Diego Comic-Con Insanity as Told Through Tweets |Gamma Squad
Katy Perry’s Smurftastic Smurf Premierer Mini-Dress |FARK|
Pic via Visboo
I’d Hack That: The Hottest Women of the News Corp Hacking Scandal |The Smoking Jacket|
Ranking the 10 New DVD Films Released in July |Pajiba|
You’re Not My Real Dad of the Day: Emeril|The Daily What|
The internet responds to Amy Winehouse’s death. |Buzzfeed|
Trailer for Seinfeld: The Human Fund. |GorillaMask|
Kim Kardashian is suing because someone used a spokesmodel that looks too much like her, |TheSuperficial|
This dog is not good at swimming. |Videogum|
Need more Comic-Con hotties, of the celebrity persuasion? Got you covered. |Celebslam|
Aw, crap. Norwegian spree killer says he used videogames for “practice.” |HolyTaco|
John Goodman is going to be on Community. John Goodman rules. |ScreenJunkies|
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