So I was in the middle of pissing my pants laughing at this overly-earnest video from Lacrosse Playground (“Don’t Be a LAX Bro”) urging lacrosse bros to not be so bro-y — sample quote: “I love this game more than anything in the world. It’s been the most important thing in my life. (*points at netty stick thingy*) This is the key. This is the instrument. This is my paintbrush. You guys have an opportunity, and it starts in here. (*points at heart*)” — when all of a sudden, PETER DANTE SHOWS UP!
You may remember Peter Dante as Adam Sandler’s buddy who we last saw inexplicably donning different outfits, urging us to see Bucky Larson in a series of relentless TV spots on Comedy Central. He’s in virtually every Sandler movie and features prominently in Burnsy’s guide to Happy Madison. I didn’t know he was into lacrosse, but if I was any less surprised the news, my face would turn into an actual line-mouth emoticon :-|
DANTE: “We are all a brotherhood, we are all a family. We do not like the term ‘lacrosse bro.’ Lacrosse bro is a kid who is not respectful. A kid who’s mouthy, a kid who doesn’t listen, a kid who is an individual. You’re a part of that fraternal order because you’re a team.”
This is just… so, so perfect. I love the thought process behind this:
“Dang, bro, it’s mega lame that everyone thinks we’re a bunch of bros, bro! How can we fight against this harmful perception, bro?”
“Bro! I know! We’ll get that guy from all those Adam Sandler movies to come down and talk to kids about brotherhood and fraternity!”
Next, a series of titles helpfully lays out the Adrenaline Lacrosse three-point action plan:
- Goal 1: Raise money
- Goal 2: Awareness
- Goal 3: Impact
Ooh, good luck with that money-raising campaign. “Hmm, who should I give all this money to? Cancer kids? Legless kittens? Nah, I think the LAX Bros need help proving that not all of them are named ‘Trent.'”
I don’t take credit for a lot of things, but I’m pretty sure we here at FilmDrunk coined the term “existential buffoon” (Frotcast Brendan, I believe it was) and this video is one of the most existential-buffoon things I’ve ever seen. “You see this lacrosse stick, bro? This is my paintbrush. I’m like the Picasso of flicking a ball into a net.”
As a rugby player, we would never do anything this douchey. Or at least, we wouldn’t be doing it with helmets and sticks like a bunch of private school pussies. NOW SACK UP AND CHUG BEER OUT OF THIS SHOE! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG…
[a million thanks to Drew Magary for bringing this to my attention]
