Opening Like The Gates Of Hell: One for the Money, The Grey, Man on a Ledge
FilmDrunk Suggests: I’m digging the previews for Man on a Ledge. Maybe it just looks better than it is because One for the Money previews air every six seconds, thanks to some half-tard exec who thinks that people still love Katherine Heigl.
One for the Money
Rotten Tomatoes Scores: 0% critics (wasn’t screened so it sucks), 84% audience (damn it, the half-tard exec was right)
Gratuitous Review Quotes:
“It took 18 years for a screen version of Janet Evanovich’s best-selling comic thrillers about New Jersey bounty hunter Stephanie Plum to hit the screen, and it should take little more than a weekend to erase any chance of it becoming a franchise.” – Frank Scheck, Hollywood Reporter
“Sound fun? Not really. Listlessly directed by Julie Anne Robinson (Miley Cyrus’s The Last Song) from a script written by a trio of writers (Stacy Sherman, Karen Ray and Liz Brixius), One for the Money is tepidly glib throughout. Even violent murders are followed by wisecracks or another prurient opportunity to ogle Heigl’s behind and cleavage.” – Liam Lacey, The Globe and Mail
Armchair Analysis: *opens car door, drops pants, slams car door on penis, puts $12 on car seat* Money better spent.
The Grey
Rotten Tomatoes Scores: 76% critics, 78% audience (which means it’s great and will probably finish 3rd at the box office)
Gratuitous Review Quotes:
“The Grey, full of beauty and terror and a healing sense of grace, brings us face to face with our own worst fears. Hold on tight. It’s a true call of the wild.” – Peter Travers, Rolling Stone ($20 says he followed that up with, “Awoooooooooooo!”)
“’The Grey’ arm wrestles rather than tackles the harsh riddles of manly existence that were so memorably anatomized in its fellow subzero odysseys ‘The Edge’ and ‘Runaway Train,’ and like those films it may be too conventional for the art-house crowd, yet too arty for the megaplex.” – Kyle Smith, NY Post
Armchair Analysis: I think Liam Neeson is a bad ass, as all males should be required to. But I’m not sure I want to watch him hunt wolves with knives on his hands for two hours so he can make it home to see his wife. Call me old-fashioned, but I just prefer my wolf hunting to involve helicopters and laser scope rifles.
Man on a Ledge
Rotten Tomatoes Scores: 22% critics (WOOF), 65% audience (double WOOF)
Gratuitous Review Quotes:
“The movie, however, is pretty badly spoiled from the start. As Nick, Sam Worthington — that big slab of grass-fed Australian beef, who everyone keeps saying is going to be big — is merely bland. As the negotiator, Elizabeth Banks is irredeemably perky. Far worse is Jamie Bell as Worthington’s kid brother, who fidgets like a small furtive mammal, and telenovela star Genesis Rodriguez as the kid brother’s girlfriend, a Latina spitfire stereotype almost as crushingly restrictive as her purple Wonderbra.” Stephen Whitty, The Star-Ledger (Whitty bringing the f*cking thunder!)
“And I do mean mess. What follows is a jumble of cop- and heist-movie clichés, dotted with appearances by actors you liked in something else: Anthony Mackie as Nick’s friend and former partner, Elizabeth Banks as the brooding NYPD negotiator, Ed Harris as Mr. Burns of The Simpsons incarnate.” – Sara Stewart, NY Post (was she saying ooo or Boo-urns?)
Armchair Analysis: I don’t know, I think it looks all right. I’ll take Ed Harris as a bad guy any day, and Sam Worthington’s mullet is the stuff that dreams are made of. The cast looks solid, so I’ll at least like it. With those RT scores, I’ll probably end up loving it. That’s what I get for being so handsome.