This is a huge week for movies that I’ll probably be mentioning toward the end of the year in a certain feature that calls out certain films for sucking a certain amount, because you can now purchase two of the least entertaining films that I’ve watched so far this year on DVD and Blu Ray. I won’t spoil the fun and name those films, but I’m sure you can figure it out, because they’re the first two films listed.
New on DVD and Blu-Ray this week:
The Incredible Burt Wonderstone
The Call
Phantom
As Luck Would Have It
A Place at the Table
No
Pusher
Apostles of Comedy
Into the White
Blood Runs Cold
Our beloved Morton Salt is on assignment in a strip club right now, hopefully finding out for my mom if they’re hiring, so you’ll have to settle for me leading us down this wonderful road of things to watch when you’re really bored.
The Incredible Burt Wonderstone
Superstar magicians Burt Wonderstone (Steve Carell) and Anton Marvelton (Steve Buscemi) have ruled the Las Vegas strip for years, raking in millions with illusions as big as Burt’s growing ego. But lately the duo’s greatest deception is their public friendship, while secretly they’ve grown to loathe each other. Facing cutthroat competition from guerilla street magician Steve Gray (Jim Carrey), whose cult following surges with each outrageous stunt, even their show looks stale. But there’s still a chance Burt and Anton can save the act-both onstage and off-if Burt can get back in touch with what made him love magic in the first place.
Should You Watch It? I’ll start with the positives: Olivia Wilde is always delightful in anything, Steve Buscemi was pretty funny, and this is one of James Gandolfini’s final films (which is still a very depressing thing to write). And like most of the films that he has supporting roles in, Gandolfini is one of the best parts. So it’s not an entirely bad movie.
The cons, however, are that Steve Carell and Jim Carrey are still just “meh” at best.
The Call
When veteran 911 operator, Jordan (Halle Berry), takes a life-altering call from a teenage girl (Abigail Breslin) who has just been abducted, she realizes that she must confront a killer from her past in order to save the girl’s life.
Should You Watch It? I find WWE films to be a guilty pleasure sometimes (12 Rounds is a comedy classic) but this isn’t your typical WWE film. In fact, aside from David Otunga and cheap, predictable suspense, there’s not much WWE to it at all. Also, what happened to Abigail Breslin? Might be time for a new agent.
Phantom
Academy Award (R) nominee Ed Harris (A Beautiful Mind, The Abyss), David Duchovny (“The X-Files,” “Californication”) and William Fichtner (The Dark Knight, Black Hawk Down) star in PHANTOM, a Cold War-era suspense thriller about a Soviet submarine captain, haunted by his past, who is forced to lead a covert mission that could spark a global nuclear war. Written and directed by Todd Robinson (Lonely Hearts, White Squall) and inspired by true events, PHANTOM is a riveting deep-sea adventure about extraordinary men facing impossible choices.
Should You Watch It? This has been on my list of “Might as well” films for the past few weeks, so I guess it’s worth a shot.
As Luck Would Have It
Roberto (famed Spanish comic José Mota) once had a promising careers in advertising. But now out of work during the economic downturn, he struggles to keep his family afloat and their dire situation a secret from his adoring wife Luisa (Salma Hayek). After yet another dead end interview, it seems like reality will come crashing down on Roberto – until a freak car accident places him at the center of a wild media storm. Realizing his opportunity, Roberto hires a brazen agent to help him leverage his new found fame into fortune, but Luisa begins to worry about what lengths Roberto will go to for his family’s security. The new film from beloved cult director Alex de la Iglesia goes into fresh territory for the daring director, a dark comedy/social satire that also works as a deeply felt drama about the devotion of a husband and father. A wild riff on manhood in the modern media world, As Luck Would Have It is a skewed take on the strange world we live in.
Should You Watch It? So it’s the story of a guy who is broke and unemployed until he’s hit by a car and sues. Well, if this is your cup of tea, I recommend watching this as opposed to hanging out in a Florida courthouse.
A Place at the Table
49 million people in the U.S. – one in four children – don’t know where their next meal is coming from, despite our having the means to provide nutritious, affordable food for all Americans. Directors Kristi Jacobson and Lori Silverbush examine this issue through the lens of three people for who are struggling with food insecurity: Barbie, a single Philadelphia mother who grew up in poverty and is trying to provide a better life for her two kids; Rosie, a Colorado second-grader who often has to depend on friends and neighbors to feed her and has trouble concentrating in school; and Tremonica, a Mississippi second-grader whose asthma and health issues are exacerbated by the largely empty calories her hardworking mother can afford. Their stories are interwoven with insights from experts including sociologist Janet Poppendieck, author Raj Patel and nutrition policy leader Marion Nestle; ordinary citizens like Pastor Bob Wilson and teachers Leslie Nichols and Odessa Cherry; and activists such as Witness to Hunger’s Mariana Chilton, Top Chef’s Tom Colicchio and Oscar (R)-winning actor Jeff Bridges. Ultimately, Finding North shows us how hunger poses serious economic, social and cultural implications for our nation, and that it could be solved once and for all, if the American public decides – as they have in the past – that making healthy food available and affordable is in the best interest of us all.
Should You Watch It? I find reality to be depressing, so I’m staying away from this one. But you folks can have at it.
No
In 1988, Chilean military dictator Augusto Pinochet, due to international pressure, is forced to call a plebiscite on his presidency. The country will vote YES or NO to Pinochet extending his rule for another eight years. Opposition leaders for the NO persuade a brash young advertising executive, Rene Saavedra (Gael Garcia Bernal), to spearhead their campaign. Against all odds, with scant resources and under scrutiny by the despot’s minions, Saavedra and his team devise an audacious plan to win the election and set Chile free.
Should You Watch It? Yes. See what I did there?
Pusher
Based on the edgy and explosive series by visionary director Nicolas Winding Refn, Pusher stars Richard Coyle as a drug dealer who grows increasingly desperate over the course of a week after a botched deal lands him in the merciless clutches of a ruthless crime lord. The more desperate his behavior, the more isolated he becomes until there is nothing left standing between him and the bullet his debtors intend to fire his way.
Should You Watch It? Do it, man. It’ll make you feel awesome, bro.
Apostles of Comedy
RESTORE YOUR FAITH IN LAUGHTER WITH THE COMEDY EVENT OF THE YEAR! Delivering laughs for the entire family, this hilarious stand-up comedy feature film stars comedy superstars Jeff Allen, Keith Alberstadt and Ron Pearson. Jeff Allen has performed at churches, on TV and radio, for U.S. troops overseas and at corporate functions for three decades. He has starred in the film Thou Shalt Laugh and in comedy specials on Comedy Central, Showtime and VH1. His Happy Wife, Happy Life (R) message of a marriage gone wrong and redeemed has given laughter and encouragement to millions of people. Keith Alberstadt has been featured on The Late Show with David Letterman, NBC’s Last Comic Standing and was a finalist on CMT’s Next Big Comic. He performs for U.S. troops overseas and is a contributing writer for Saturday Night Live’s Weekend Update, National Lampoon and various online magazines. Ron Pearson has made hundreds of TV appearances doing stand-up on shows like The Late, Late Show, Chelsea Lately and Comedy Central. He starred on the TV series Malcolm & Eddie and has had recurring roles on That 70s Show, The George Lopez Show, The Drew Carey Show, Boston Legal, Norm and Two Guys and a Girl.
Should You Watch It? If God wants you to watch this, He will give you a sign.
Into the White
At the beginning of World War II a hostile chance encounter in the skies above the harsh Norwegian wilderness leaves two aircraft – one British, one German – shot down in a remote and isolated region. By strange coincidence the crews seek shelter in the same cabin. They must battle to survive the brutal winter in order to get back to the war – and to fighting one another. Although war has made them enemies, as the days go by animosity proves hard to maintain. Mutual need leads to unlikely friendships, and the rules of war must be put aside.
Should You Watch It? Yes, if only to watch that Rupert Grint dude in a non-Harry Potter role to see if I still want to punch him in the mouth so much.
Blood Runs Cold
In the dead of winter, Winona, a successful musician looking to relax and find creative inspiration, returns to her hometown to stay in a cabin rented by her manager. When she arrives, she coincidentally runs into her old boyfriend and some friends. Continuing their reunion at the cabin, the houseguests quickly discover that they are not alone; something horrific lurks underneath the floorboards. BLOOD RUNS COLD is a frostbitten slasher that turns the snow red with gore.
Should You Watch It? It’s the summer and your kids aren’t in school, so what the heck else are you going to watch with them?
(All synopses via Rotten Tomatoes)