Social media is dark and full of terrors spoilers. To avoid spoiling the fun for fans on the west coast and those who have to wait to beg, borrow, or steal an HBO Go password, this season I”m confining my stream-of-consciousness thoughts to this liveblog. Follow along or flee in fear. Here there be spoilers! Catch up on Episode Seven, 'The Broken Man,' over here.
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[8:58PM EDT] – Welcome back! We're in the homestretch now. Tonight's episode is entitled 'No One.' While I want that to be a clue about Arya Stark, instead is just feels pretty ominous. I mean, this IS Martin's world, after all. It probably means 'no one' can be happy.
[9:00PM EDT] – It's a programming miracle! The show is starting on time. All hail the old gods and the new.
[9:06PM EDT] – So is that Cersei's last scene or is that wig just terribly itchy? She always takes it off as SOON as she's off stage (I know it's for the purpose of the actor)…and there goes any thought that Jaquen took a knife for Arya.
[9:08PM EDT] – Oh nooooo, if Arya goes with the company. Does that mean she'd play Sansa? But wait, suddenly a wild ASSHAI-BY-THE-SHADOW appears. Arya is going where Dany was supposed to go? I am 1000% on board for this turn of events.
[9:11PM EDT] – Preamble is for other people. God I love the Hound.
[9:13PM EDT] – The Lannisters are genetically predisposed to hiring fanatics and then losing control. (Even if Tyrion is not Tywin's son, he's still Joanna's.) But Varys, where are you going!? We need your witty banter with Tyrion. Unless you plan to return to witty banter with Littlefinger?
[9:15PM EDT] – They tried to order The Mountain aside.. [ugly laughter]
[9:18PM EDT] – Bronn ships Brienne and Jaime! BRONN SHIPS IT. And he knows it's canon.
[9:20PM EDT] – Not wanting to “talk politics” has more bite when everyone has lost loved ones and seen betrayal on a scale never before seen. But nooooOOOOO Brienne, you can't give up a Valyrian steel sword when you are going North again.
[9:22PM EDT] – Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Dammit.
[9:26PM EDT] – Tommen is playing a dangerous game with his mother. Do no listen to the men, Tommen. They will lead you to slow, painful death.
[9:28PM EDT] – You see, Tommen? You go against your mother, you get the Rains of Castamere played over your exit. You gonna die, son.
[9:30PM EDT] – Watching Tryion try to engage with Missendei and Greyworm is endearing.
[9:32PM EDT] – The masters have come with their ships? If only there was a fleet headed to Meereen that was friendly and needed to impress Dany. Oh wait…
[9:36PM EDT] – An awful lot of talk about a dead woman named Catelyn Stark, a woman who is never showing back up. Just sayin'…
[9:39PM EDT] – This blonde soldier is dumb as a box of rocks and they're all gonna suffer for it. The Blackfish (and myself) are disgusted.
[9:40PM EDT] – Oh Edmure. Catelyn would be so disappointed in you. Such cowardice. Bet you're feeling real stupid about now, blonde soldier. It's cute how they think the Blackfish will go quietly into that good night.
[9:44PM EDT] – Oh come on! We don't even get to see the Blackfish in his final battle? Even Ser Barristan Selmy didn't get this ignominious end.
[9:46PM EDT] – That sounds like a dragon. Please, please be Tryion's dragon…dammit, it's Dany. Wow. I can't believe how much I really don't like her character these days. I just…don't.
[9:47PM EDT] – Wait, Beric is still alive! THEN WE GET TO WATCH STONEHEART HAPPEN IN REAL TIME. I am so happy right now, you guys. There is no reason for Beric to return except for THAT reason.
[9:52PM EDT] – Part of me wants to know why the Waif hates Arya so much, and part of me just wants this stroyline to end so we can get the hell out of Braavos. Seriously though, where is Needle?
[9:57PM EDT] – Ah, there it is. If you teach a girl to fight in the dark, you're gonna accidentally give her an unfair advantage.
[9:59PM EDT] – FINALLY. It only took way too long. Go home Arya. Go home and find Nymeria.
See you all next week!