Recap: ‘Dancing with the Stars’ goes to Broadway

Before we get to the dancing, we’re treated to a production number from “Sister Act.” Now, nothing against “Sister Act,” and I’m sure “DWTS” was happy to get any Broadway show on the stage for Broadway night, but this is about as good of a fit for a dancing show as an Amish wagon race. You can’t even tell if these women have feet or are just being pushed around on shopping carts. 

They’ll be doing the cha cha cha to a “Jersey Boys” song. His mom drops in to tell him how proud she is. Oh, and to tell him it’s time to kick some butt. Thanks, Mom. Why doesn’t she do this show? She’d have to be more interesting to watch than her son. 

And, as expected, Rob the Robot is in full effect. Boooooring, wooden and hard to watch. His hands look like platters. I’ve had more exciting performances from waiters.

Len thought it was clean and precise, but Rob has no rhythm. Bruno said it didn’t have the impact and power required at this stage. Carrie Ann thought he had much more charisma this time, and thought he was a late college bloomer. What was Carrie Ann watching, anyway? 

Carrie Ann – 8 Len – 7 Bruno – 7

They’ll be dancing a foxtrot to “Always Look on the Bright Side of Life” from “Spamalot.” She wants tougher choreography. But not that tough. For all the passion she shows in rehearsal, none of that comes across in the actual performances.

This was… okay. In some parts she has her usual frozen smile, but then actually busts out into legitimate grins here and there. It’s a cute dance, and for Nancy it’s a step up, but she’s still not wowing me.

Bruno says she captures the feel of the musical. Carrie Ann thought she upped the ante on her content and nailed it. Len felt there was a lot more personality but thought her posture and footwork wasn’t there. 

Brooke asks Tristan if the experience of doing the show is more difficult than he thought it would be. This is Brooke’s subtle way of asking if working with Nancy is as hellish as it seems to be. He mutters something non-incriminating and Nancy smiles at him malevolently. Ah, ballroom dancing!

Carrie Ann – 9 Len – 7 Bruno – 8

Now, for a change of pace, Tom invites Carson back to the stage. He was chosen to be the creative director for the group dance, as it seemed like a shame that he was eliminated right before Broadway week. Well, okay. I’m not sure Carson’s going to be much more than a cheerleader in this position, but maybe it will be fun nonetheless.

David wants to prove himself. But with a high energy dance like the quick step, it’s hard for him to control himself.  Plus, J.R. and Ricki also have a quick step, so he doesn’t want to suffer in comparison. David is very, very earnest, but really, kind of a spaz.

This isn’t bad, but it looks like he’s dancing faster than Kym. I always hope that David is going to do better than he does, as he seems to have some natural ability, but it’s like trying to get a five year old kid with ADHD to sit through church service. 

Carrie Ann thought he lived up to any expectation they’d have for performance quality, but he and Kym were out of synch. Len thought it was rough around the edges but it was fun. Bruno thinks he was a live wire and got off on the wrong foot, but the audience loved it. 

David does a John Travolta imitation while talking to Brooke, though it takes me a minute to realize that’s what he’s doing and he hasn’t, in fact, had a stroke.

Carrie Ann – 8 Len – 7 Bruno – 8

Ricki is under pressure. She feels like she’s chasing J.R. But she’s a competitive person, and when she signs up, she wants to win. I know Ricki is trying to amp up the competition aspect for the cameras, but I wish she’d just relax and at least act like she’s having fun instead of implying that each week of practice is like Navy SEAL boot camp.

Still, Nancy Grace could benefit from watching (and rewatching) Ricki’s performances. No matter what, she always looks like she’s having a blast. This is some good dancing, too. I don’t think she’s blown a step. 

Len says she has talent and he loved it. Bruno says she has impeccable style, and the interpretation of the music was beyond belief. Carrie Ann thought it was everything a number should be. 

Ricki thinks she’s lost twenty pounds so far. So really, she’s a winner no matter what happens. Though someone may want to write that on a Post-It for her. 

Carrie Ann – 10 Len – 9 Bruno – 10

They’ll be tangoing to “The Phantom of the Opera.” Lacey seems absolutely panicked, because Chaz isn’t getting it and they can’t keep doing basic dances at this stage in the competition. Poor Lacey. It’s clear she has her work cut out for her dancing with an Ewok every week. 

Well, with a half mask on his face, Chaz isn’t going to get points for charisma. This is an unfortunate song choice, because an Ewok is not meant to tango. He looks like he’s having trouble even staying in hold with Lacey because of his girth. Poor Chaz. 

Bruno thought it was like watching a cute little penguin try to be a bird of prey. Oof! Carrie Ann agrees, but thought he was aggressive. Still, she wants to see more content. Len says he can tell Chaz is trying hard, but he wanted to see more. Still, it was a good job. 

Carrie Ann – 7 Len – 6 Bruno – 6

Chaz looks uttery defeated. Like Len said, everyone can tell he’s trying hard. But the fact remains — he has no natural aptitude for dance. 

Tom informs us that director/choreographer Kenny Ortega has created a dance with “High School Musical” star Corbin Bleu. But you won’t see that until tomorrow. 

Maks brings in female dancers from the “DWTS” troupe, and they give Hope some tips on how to be sexy. Maks tells Hope everyone’s lost faith in her becoming a good dancer, and he might, too. For some crazy reason, Hope feels hurt by this. But then, she still thinks Maks is a normal human and not Simon Cowell in better packaging. 

Some of this looked really good, but only intermittently. Hope seems to be concentrating so hard you can practically see her thinking, “Smile, Hope! Shoulders DOWN! Hair flip! Dammit, I screwed UP!” And those boots — terrible choice, because they ruin her footwork. 

Carrie Ann saw her relax and trust her natural sexiness, but she still forced some moves. Len has never lost faith in Hope, but thought it was her worst dance of the season. Maks starts arguing with Len and tells him maybe it’s time to retire. Maks, shut up! This talking back to the judges thing never works out well for you! Bruno tells Hope she tried to tell a story, but it didn’t gel as well as it could have. 

Carrie Ann – 7 Len – 6 Bruno – 7 

Backstage, Maks tells Brooke says he’s a little tired of some people being judged on effort and some being judged on heel leads. Ouch! I wish Maks wouldn’t get so fired up, as it doesn’t seem to help his partner get votes, usually. 

It’s the most challenging choreography Karina has tried on the show. J.R. thinks this is imposing, but you know he can do it. 

And he does. I thought this might even be a little better than Ricki’s performance, though truly, neck and neck. 

Len thought it was great. Bruno thought he created a number that makes a show a hit. Carrie Ann says Bob Fosse would have been proud. 

Carrie Ann – 10 Len – 9 Bruno – 10

Kristin Chenowith of “GCB” performs. Really, they went with “GCB”? “Good Christian Bitches” was out, sure, but now the show sounds like a date rape drug. Anyway, love her, but this isn’t my favorite rendition of either song.

Time for the group dance. It’s going to be a big Fosse tribute ripped from “Sweet Charity.” So, the female celebs have to act like hookers while standing next to the impossibly fit female pros. This is stressing Ricki out, and who can blame her? But Hope may just have to try to be sexy. She may not succeed, but she’ll have to try. 

The number’s okay. It’s not so unspeakably bad Bob Fosse is turning over in his grave, but he isn’t sitting up and applauding, either. It’s just unfortunate to see the celebrities trying to keep up with the pros. Couples dancing is always a better choice, really. This isn’t “So You Think You Can Dance,” people.

The judges weigh in, though it doesn’t count for crap. Len thought Ricki was brave and Rob was powerful. Bruno thinks they all like money. Carrie Ann gives Nancy an extra point for her little special move. Wow, that was useless!

So, Ricki and J.R. tied for the top, while Chaz is stuck at the bottom. I’m beginning to wonder how much longer the little Ewok can stay in the game. More importantly, why hasn’t he lost weight when Ricki’s melting away? In any case, it’s pretty clear this is becoming a battle between Ricki and J.R., and it’s just a matter of time before the rest of the celebs get picked off. That is, unless the crazy voting that’s marked the season continues.