Can you believe it”s been SO long since we”ve had “Project Runway”? I”ve almost forgotten what Heidi Klum looks like! Governments have crumbled, natural disasters have struck and inflexible workaholic stylist Rachel Zoe has reproduced! It”s an upside down world we live in. Tim Gunn, carry me away! But because I am SO excited about “PR” being back on the air (and I do hope you will join my “PR” HitFix Fantasy League at hitfix.com/projectrunway), I”m starting early (yes, I”m watching that filler casting episode) and I”m live blogging. I simply cannot wait to get my “PR” fix. I”m jonesing!
Tim Gunn will be narrating this time filler episode, which makes it quite alright with me. We get to see the initial judging process. Some people bring crap to auditions. And this is unlike any other reality show? Um, not it’s not. Seth Aaron Hnderson and Zanna Roberts-Rossi of Marie Claire will also offer input.
We meet Cecilia. She thinks fashion is war. She will fight with her spear toll the last drop of blood. So violent! She licks butts when she has to. I am scared of Cecilia. So is Zanna. My first candidate for a workroom catfight!
Amanda is chirpy. That’s all we get, really.
Julie skateboards. She sings karaoke. Everything she designs looks like a blanket. But Seth is super duper impressed. Personally, if I wanted someone to cut up crap from REI I’d just do it myself. She doesn’t like pretty. But if pretty is defined by Laura, I don’t either.
Laura likes to do thinks with zebra print. She seems like someone who would have a purse dog.
Viktor can’t help being fierce. He’s from Mexico.If you push him, he’ll scratch.
Anya is from Trinidad and doesn’t dig negativity. She was Miss Trinidad and Tobago. Her brother died in a car accident. I’m interested in Anya. Her clothes look warm weather, but wearable.
Oh dear, the inspirational applicants. Bryce is Mormon. And gay. He’s had death threats. He used to dress up Barbies. I like that he makes clothes with multiple uses, but one legged jeans?
Rafael was homeless for two years.Seth likes his use of geometric shapes and structure. I do, too. He’s a little MTV, but as long as it’s not Gwetchen mall stuff, fine by me.
Anthony is two kinds of color blind. He’s had testicular cancer. I have to admit — I thought, before seeing his stuff, that he had to be doomed (he’s COLOR BLIND, come on!). But his designs are knda cool. Go figure!
Becky grew up in a cult. I like her mission. I like her clothes. Go, Becky!
Bert’s next. He’s 57. You can tell by his designs he worked for Halston (that’s a good thing). I’m still worried he may struggle with stamina, but his designs are good.
Kimberly is self-taught. She just started sewing a few years ago. She talks smack. I’m not loving her designs, honestly.
Gunnar learned to sew from his grandma. He made the must-have dress of the Kentucky Derby. But the coat? Meh.
Danielle learned to sew from her grandma, too. Seth calls her a birdy little thing. I’m not seeing a lot of originality, but she could totally sell her stuff at the department store level.
David is a waiter. Zanna likes his stuff. And for someone self-taught? Pretty damn good.
Joshua M. brought mensweaer to the audition. Seth thought he was determined but could easily translate his stuff to womenswear, because it was flamboyant. If she wants to look like she lives in West Hollywood.
Josh C. is also a menswear designer. And he’s Mormon. He brought a model! Good for him. And I do like what’s on the model. A lot. He’s straight? Okay.
Olivier is another menswear guy. His stuff is interesting. I like that he’s able to do so much with a neutral palette.
Next we have the multiple applicants. Seth Aaron applied four times. Huh!
Fallene made it to the semifinals last year but lacked sophistication. Definitely more sophisticated now, and on trend.
Serena tried out ten years ago. She’s afraid of success. She works for Beyonce’s line! Ooh, maybe she can swing a guest judging spot with the boss!
Oh yay, Amanda is back. She’s back for a third time. Zanna is on the fence about her. She does have a semi schizophrenic collection, honestly.
Okay, who do you pick for the winner? And for first out?
So, we’re back on New York. Serena was getting married in Iceland and canceled to do “PR.” Damn, that’s commitment! Wow, four are going home before the show even starts. Heidi says it’s because she’s a little bit mean. She’s right!
Tim Gunn, Heidi Klum, Nina Garcia and Michael Kors meet the competitors. Heidi wears Bryce’s feather cape. Good sign!
Tim can’t believe Anya learned to sew four months ago. He’s horrified. Heidi wants to give her a chance. C’mon, give Anya a shot!
Heidi has a little crush on Olivier. Cool your jets, Heidi — you’ve got Seal at home. Heidi sings to Josh and surprisingly well. Nina thinks Laura Kathleen is too colorful. Laura Kathleen says she’s glad it’s one note, because that means it goes together! Shut up, Laura Kathleen. Nina isn’t sure about David.
Gunner Deatherage has the best name ever. Cecilia doesn’t get a warm reception. Watch out, Heidi, she’ll fight you with her spear!
Rafael thinks Nina is undressing him with her eyes. Sure. Okay. Didn’t see that, but whatever makes you happy.
Tim is listening to Bert tell his story and he clearly wants to cry. I do, too. Poor Bert. Heidi thinks he’s too simple. Hey, you guys let boring ass Gwetchen WIN last year on nonstop simple! Make up your minds!
The judges judge, the designers sweat.
Rafael, Kimberly, Fallene, Danielle… are in.
Viktor, Bryce, Becky, Olivier, Laura, Anthony, Julie… are in.
Josh McKinley… is in.
David… is out. Huh. Surprised, really.
Gunnar… is out. Too bad, as he had a great name.
Josh Christensen… is in.
Amanda… is out.
Anya… is in. Good!
Bert… is in. Yay!
Cecilia and Serena — one will be in, one will be out. Serena… is out. Dammit, that means Cecilia is in! Hey, Heidi, you’ll never get Beyonce as a guest judge now!
Unpack bags, blah blah blah, Atlas, blah blah blah, we’re in New York blah blah blah. Laura Kathleen has a bite! She can be mean! I never doubted it.
Bedtime. And then, Tim Gunn gets them up at the crack of something. It’s time for a “PR” come as you are party! They can bring a sheet off their bed and just what they’re wearing. Kimberly wants to get cheddar biscuits at Red Lobster. I give her one week.
They go to the work room. They can sew something from their sheet and their PJs. They do get some scrubs to wear, thank God. Nakedness and needles, not a good combo.
Fallene is using a puking clown. Laura Kathleen has a silk negligee. Josh M. doubts she has the skills to work with them. Meow!
Anya is discovering four months of sewing is four months of sewing.
Kimberly uses the phrase “nut juice.” She can’t go home fast enough.
Tim doesn’t love Anthony’s design, as he thinks it has a “pubic patch.” He is grossed out by Fallene’s puking clown. He thinks Josh C. could be making an absolute knockout. He worries Julie won’t have enough time to execute her idea. He’s impressed with Anya. Good!
Tim tells Rafael to stop being such a baby and use his headscarf. He gives him a dose of Tim Gunn medicine. Listen, Rafael!
The models arrive. Laura Kathleen asks Olivier if he’s speaking foreign to his model. It’s called Italian, you idiot!
Excuse me for just a moment — have to get rid of spam. Be right back.
UGH, spam is gone, sorry about that, guys. Anyway, it’s runway time!
Josh M.
A cute little vest, nice shirt and shorts. I like this.
Laura Kathleen
The pants don’t fit well. But the top is cute enough.
Danielle
Good top! Nice use of color.
Viktor
He does a cute summer dress. Nice colorblocking. No one’s sucked yet.
Becky
The color isn’t great, but I like the idea.
Bryce
Really, really love the sleeves. And the high-waited skirt.
Anya
Love the top. The pants are a little droopy, but I find it hard to believe she’s only been sewing for four months.
Julie
The pants look like snowpants. Not digging this. At all. A hot mess.
Olivier
Good fit, nice jacket. That’s jammies?
Kimberly
The top looks like it’s made out of napkins and the pants? Not good.
Anthony
What is going on with the butt? Aaagh!
Rafael
She looks pregnant. Not enough fabric, clearly.
Falllene
The puking clown is the only thing that ruins this dress. Sorry, it’s just gross.
Bert
I like this a lot. Definitely not frumpy, which is what I think Tim was getting at.
Josh C.
Wait, what’s going on with the pockets on her shorts? Come back! This is not a good fit. Bad!
Cecilia
This would be good if her crotch were fully covered.
Heidi calls Anthony Ryan, Rafael, Josh C., Anya, Bert and Julie. Everyone else is safe.
Anthony is first. Heidi likes how he changed his pajamas into this. Michael likes the colors together. Nina thinks he didn’t go overboard. Christina liked the way he used trimmings. I don’t love the trim at all, but hey, that’s me.
Rafael is next. Heidi hates the bib. Michael says it’s unflattering. Nina says there are fit problems and that it looks dated. Christina thinks the pants are off putting.
Heidi tells Julie she had high expectations, because she thinks the whole thing is bad. Christina is confused by the pants. Julie says she was on a learning curve. Nina hates the construction of the pants. They do look weird. Michael thinks the pocket is weird.
Anya is up. Nina is amazed by the pants and she loves the back of the top. Heidi is happy to see that she can sew. Christina loves the whole thing. Michael says it’s great.
Bert! Heidi is in love with his outfit! Yay! Nina thinks it’s feminine and sexy. Christina thinks it’s pretty. Michael likes the asymmetry but hates the styling because the design is fabulous.
Josh C. says he was doing a summery look. He admits to fit issues. Heidi can’t decide if his design or Rafael’s is worst. Michael loses his mind when Josh says he wishes someone had told him his outfit sucked. Nina thought it was lame.
The judges talk about the screw ups. They slam Josh C., but they don’t think Rafael is getting it. They don’t dig Julie’s outfit, but I think Rafael is in trouble.
Michael has to backpedal about Anya. She’s good! They all love Anthony Ryan for reasons I don’t completely get. Christina liked that he left the model disheveled. Heidi’s thrilled that Bert followed instruction. Christina didn’t even notice his bad styling.
The winner is… Bert! I’m actually really glad he won. Besides the fact he has an inspirational story, he’s one of the only older contestants who seems completely on trend and chic (there have been good ones, yes, but he seems to be the strongest).
Julie is… in. It’s down to Josh C. and Rafael. Josh C. is in. Rafael is out. Sorry, but he turned in a hot mess. Not surprised at all. Hope he has a back-up head scarf. Tim makes him clean up his stuff.
Oh boy, scenes from the season look intense — crying, yelling, lots of yelling at Bert specifically, Olivier looking dead, WTF? Who cares! I am so glad “Project Runway” is back!
Are you thrilled? Any favorites? Did you see some redeeming quality in Rafael’s outfit?