Recap: ‘Project Runway’ – ‘The Finale Challenge’

Before the challenge begins, Josh M. and Viktor bash Anya. She can’t sew! She just drapes! She’s not as super fabulous as they are! Well, I was on the fence about Viktor, but seeing that he’s decided to join forces with The Bedazzler, I’m not all that fond of him at the moment. Yes, Josh M. can sew, but his taste runs toward drag queen gear, not fashion. Anya can learn to sew, but Josh M. can never acquire good taste. 

 

Finally it’s time for Heidi to order the designers to leave the city for the final challenge! On the ferry to Governors Island, they dream of the big time. Hate to burst some bubbles here, but have you seen the track record for “Project Runway” designers? Just thought it might be the time to bring that up. They’re invited to wander around the island and find inspiration, preferably in the exhibit of outdoor sculpture by Mark Di Suvero. Plug, plug, plug!

 

Anyway, once we get through the tourist info, Tim reveals that the designers must create three looks which must demonstrate a range, i.e. a mini-collection. They get an hour to explore the island (with golf carts!) and it’s a two day challenge. I was hoping to see some hijinks with the golf carts, but everyone’s far too serious for that at this point in the competition. 

 

The designers sketch, they go to Mood, everything’s proceeding as planned. Until Time shows up with the black velvet button bag. But it’s not bad news (there aren’t even enough people for a team challenge at this point, relax guys). Everyone gets a helper! The order in which the designers get to choose is determined by the button bag. 

 

Kimberly picks Becky.

Viktor picks Olivier.

Laura picks Anthony Ryan.

 

Then, the choosing is down to Anya and Josh M. Anya’s chosen next — and she foolishly tries to joke around with Josh M. He literally steps away from her and tells her she’s being violent in a joking-but-not tone. What is wrong with this guy? Anya doesn’t understand. She likes everyone! Why are people being mean to her? This is like watching a kitten play with rabid monkeys. I can barely stand to watch.

 

Anya picks Bert.

Josh M. is stuck with Bryce.

 

Bert’s thrilled with his partner, which is nice to see. Even though Anya admits she didn’t like him at first, she loves him now, and I get the sense Bert is really going to work hard for her. Bryce knows he’s got his work cut out for him with Josh M., poor guy. He decides it’s his job to tell Josh M. to edit. Oh my, if Bryce is you’re editor, you’re in trouble. Laura is thrilled to get Anthony Ryan, but Anthony Ryan seems pretty cavalier about working with his old pal. Viktor may have gotten a guy who’s good with a needle and thread in Olivier (Seamster? Sewer?), but he also got someone who questions his every move and is generally feeling pouty that he’s working for someone else.

 

In the workroom, Josh M. becomes crazy bitchy and revels in the opportunity to share all his crappy opinions with Bryce. He can’t believe Anya beat him last week. He was beaten by a BEAUTY QUEEN, so it couldn’t be about talent, just looks. He sniffs that Anya can’t sew. MAN, he’s jealous of Anya. 

 

Tim time! He’s not fond of Kim’s circle fabric and suggests she tone it down. He thinks Kimberly has too much going on and calls one of her outfits the Statue of Liberty. Tim thinks Viktor’s looks are organic, him and very sophisticated. Tim encourages Josh M. to take some risks. Yes, take risks Josh M.! Do that and you’ll be going home in a heartbeat! Tim thinks Anya’s stuff is beautiful. Josh M. thinks she should make a jacket, as that’s his rule of thumb, though he doesn’t think she can do it. Shut UP, Josh M.!

 

Kimberly keeps scrapping items and making new ones. Becky thinks she’s unclear on her vision, and I have to agree. But at least it’s not a vision of circles. 

 

Viktor is sure he and Josh M. will go to Fashion Week, and the last spot will be filled with one of the girls. Not that it matters which one, as they’re so inferior. Viktor is sure it’s between him and Josh M. Now I want any one of the girls to win this challenge, just because. 

 

Laura thinks two of Kimberly’s outfits look like they’re growing goiters. Josh M. doesn’t see potential from Anya’s corner, he thinks Kimberly looks disorganized but he knows she tends to pull it together at the last minute and Laura’s looks have potential but they’re very bold. He’s not sure who’s getting that third spot, but he knows he and Viktor are definitely top two. UGH, I so hope he’s wrong!

 

Runway time! Judges are Michael Kors, Nina Garcia and Zoe Saldana, actress and co-founder of myFDB.com. Huh, something I didn’t know about Zoe Saldana.

 

First Look: it’s okay. I hate the mesh. But it’s just a sheath.

Second Look: This is horrible. Horrible, horrible. A fat cheerleader skirt, a weird little vest and all bunched at the waist. He made a model look fat. Unforgivable.

Third Look: What, did he steal Gandalf’s wardrobe? This is beyond ridiculous. The fabric is the crime here. It’s pure Halloween.

 

First Look: I actually want to like the coat, but it looks too big and bunchy on the model. Not sleek. 

Second Look: I don’t mind the detail on the side of the skirt, but the fabric choice is unfortunate. It looks like something you’d use to make a saddle.

Third Look: This is a cute cocktail dress. The sparkly fabric works. 

 

First Look: This isn’t that bad. I’m not completely sold on the cut of the jacket, but I don’t mind the circles here. 

Second Look: A slip dress, yawn. It doesn’t do much for me. The black trim is a mess and it literally looks like she made this in five minutes. 

Third Look: Sorta ripping off Mondo here! I like the dress, but there seems to be fit issues. 

 

First Look: Yes, it’s a basic black dress. But I love the cut, I love the neckline, and it just works. 

Second Look: The pants are great. And the color is wowza. 

Third Look: A simple sheath. It could hang better. I see bunching. I like Anya’s designs, but I worry that she didn’t show enough of a range (at least if we go by Josh M.’s must-make-jacket nonsense). Not that she’s going home. There would be rioting. 

 

First Look: I like the jacket and the cigarette pants. The top’s okay. 

Second Look: A camp shirt and a fitted skirt? Fine, but blah, blah, blah.

Third Look: Very nice little black dress. Nothing too exciting here, but nothing offensive.

 

Josh M. is up first. PLEASE don’t like this collection, judges! It’s horrible! Michael thinks he may have shown too much diversity and still thinks he can’t edit. Okay, that’s criticism, but nowhere near as scathing as I expected. Zoe likes the white dress and hates the gown. Nina likes the gown but thinks the fabric looks cheap. Michael thinks he’s a magpie attracted to glitter and shine, which can look cheap. Are we not commenting on the wretched skirt? The weird vest? What? That’s IT? His collection was, by far, the WORST. And yet, the judges tiptoed around. They want to send this idiot to Fashion Week. More likely, the producers want to send him to Fashion Week. Bad designer, but good TV. Ugh. 

 

Kimberly is next. Zoe loves the top and how she paired it with hot pink shoes. Michael thinks the brocade dress is her strongest piece. But he thinks the coat looks like she tried to tailor a coat out of an orange paper towel. He thinks the color palette is disco Halloween. Heidi thinks all the looks don’t go together. Nina loves the dress, but doesn’t love the skirt. 

 

Laura’s turn. She starts crying almost immediately. Heidi loved the gown, but doesn’t think the slip dress works. Nina isn’t sold on the jacket. Zoe felt there was an ’80s quality she dug. Michael thinks the gown was her strongest piece, he thought the jacket was very mom-ish, and the slip dress looked like a pillowcase. 

 

Anya talks about her looks. Nina thinks the collection feels very modern and it looks like a concise collection. Heidi loves the black dress and likes the white dress. Michael thinks it’s sophisticated and notes that she knew how to dress her models. He thinks she understands women’s bodies. Zoe thinks it feels futuristic, though she felt the white dress looked like a condom.

 

Viktor’s turn. Heidi thinks he’s one of the best in terms of sewing but she doesn’t see one piece she has to have. Nina loved it but thought he needed to turn up the volume. Zoe liked the secretary look, but she didn’t like the boning on the hip of the black dress. Michael thinks he has the most commercial collection and thinks the clothes are the ones women want to wear. But he, too, wants the volume turned up. 

 

The judges ask the designers to say why they deserve to go to Fashion Week and who’d they take with them. Let’s just cut to who they’d take with them. 

 

Josh M. says Viktor should come with him to Fashion Week and, well, Anya, because she’s not constrained by sewing skill. Wow, backhanded compliment there. 

 

Kimberly would bring Anya, because she’s grown tremendously, and Laura, because she thinks the three women would show a different Fashion Week.

 

Anya says she’d bring Josh M., because he’s very different than her, and Viktor, because he’s commercial. Well, kudos to Anya for underselling these guys, as they certainly aren’t rooting for her. 

 

Laura says she’d bring Viktor, because he makes wearable clothes, and Anya, because she has a natural knack for silhouettes.

 

Viktor would bring Josh M., because he loves his ideas, and Anya, but just on her designs. Could Viktor and Josh M. be more backhanded in recommending Anya?

 

The judges loooove Anya’s black dress. Michael notes that she started with a tropical look and has evolved to urban sophistication. They’d all love to see her at Fashion Week.

 

Heidi is impressed by Viktor’s sewing skills. Michael thinks his clothes will sell. Nina thinks his casting rack was scary, so he’s really grown. Zoe says he’s a designer. He’s in. 

 

On to Josh M. Heidi liked the evening gown, but only if it had been in a different fabric. Nina thinks she could rearrange the clothes and shoot them for the magazine. IS SHE ON CRACK? Thankfully, she adds that his taste is questionable. Nina thinks he has ideas. Better too many ideas than not enough! Ugh. Ugh! He’s horrid, you guys! He sent a Halloween costume down the runway! I can’t believe this. 

 

Nina thinks Laura’s gown looked like a fence. Nina thinks she has no range. Zoe gives her props for circle placement. Heidi has more passion for her since she started crying. Yeah, I think she’s going home. 

 

Nina thinks Kimberly has had some good designs. Michael wishes Kimberly had done her pants again. Michael gets the girl. Huh, Kimberly might be safe. 

 

Heidi informs Anya she’s in and she’s going to Fashion Week. Whoot! First picked! Suck on that, Josh M.! Viktor is next in, though Heidi tells him to pump up the volume in the future. He’s not surprised, as he expected to make it to Fashion Week. Of course he did. Heidi tells Josh M. he has a lot of work to do, but he’s in. NOOOOO! He made a HALLOWEEN COSTUME. He gloats. He’s starting to write his history, which means years after he’s gone, someone will research this moment. Oh SHUT UP, you POMPOUS ASS! We can only hope you slither back into the obscurity from which you came. 

 

It’s down to Laura and Kimbery. Laura is… out. Ouch. Kimberly will be designing and will return to New York. 

 

Laura’s going home. She saw herself in the top three, so she didn’t expect it. She’s feeling grateful for the experience, in any case. I suspected Laura was not going to make it the distance, and she’s definitely designed enough stinkers for her to get the boot, so not too sad to see her go. But good luck out there, Laura. 

 

Tim calls for a group hug for the final four. I wouldn’t touch Josh M. if you paid me., but they all fall in for a hug and it’s nicey-nice until we get the gang back together again, at which point Josh M. will be the pouty diva he usually is. In the meantime, I hope Anya works on her sewing and blows the guys out of the water at Fashion Week.