Last week Ichabod and Abbie scored one for the good guys by ending a centuries old family curse and saving a little girl. Meanwhile, Hawley – aka Southern Gentleman Aquaman – scored one for pragmatism by running away from danger because self-preservation is an extremely underutilized skill.
But with Mills and Crane feeling good about “getting the hang” of this Witness thing, what inevitably terrible fate awaits them this week with “The Weeping Lady”?
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Oh wow. The seamstress from the Revolutionary War reenactment the other week wasn”t a throw away character! She returns and is given a name. Caroline. Miss Caroline has been busy replenishing Ichabod”s wardrobe of period appropriate clothing. And churning him butter. And making him jam. And oh dear, I think Caroline is hoping Crane with churn HER butter. Because commitment to Colonial ways is apparently an aphrodisiac. Either that or it”s just his accent.
Despite looking like a budget Katrina, Ichabod demures by saying he is married. Through a series of comical misunderstandings involving Abbie picking that exact moment to return with takeout, Caroline is under the impression Abbie is Mrs. Crane.
I mean, it”s a logical conclusion. Ichabbie shippers everywhere rejoice at the nod, despite Crane adamantly saying Mills is his partner but not his LIFE partner. Miss Caroline is suffering from deafness brought on my acute embarrassment though and doesn”t hear, quickly escaping while making apologies to “Mrs. Crane.”
Speak of the devil, we cut over to the real Mrs. Crane who is finally getting her witchy ways on. Yeah, girl! You mix that potion. You murmur that spell. You…write that love letter? Okay, I guess she”s still hanging around to “spy” on War and Death. But she sends a raven off to find Ichabod and deliver a message. Abraham almost catches her, but she distracts him with her winning personality and new clothes.
Seriously, does no one in Sleepy Hollow wonder why the demand for period accurate Revolutionary clothing is through the roof?
Headless warns Katrina that he wants her to join him willingly, but he”s not gonna wait for permission forever…so yep, the Horseman of Death is still a douchebag. Abraham then goes to have a Skype call…I mean a mirror conversation…with War to bitch about Katrina getting around the anti-magic wards. Well at least that explains why she hasn”t burned everything to ash by now. Henry offers to help and Headless basically tells him to go back and play with his tiny town and leave the corruption of Katrina to him.
Henry is not amused. DISSENSION IN THE RANKS!
War isn”t about to let that prissy alpha male tell him what he can and can”t do, so he dives into Katrina”s personal effects to find something on which a sin might reside. Upon discovering her copy of “Gulliver”s Travels,” Henry smiles…and not in the nice way.
Meanwhile, random teens are making out in a secluded spot, so obviously they are about to die. Especially since they”re talking about whether or not to have sex. But suddenly, a ghostly witch slams into their windshield, inadvertently saving them. Everyone knows the horror monster can”t kill you until AFTER you”ve started banging, so really that ghost is a hero.
Across town, Abbie is trying to convince Ichabod that it”s totally socially acceptable to send Caroline an apology via phone or text, but his sense of propriety will not stand for it. He”s going to apologize for the mix-up in person. Right now. After dark when most people are probably in their pajamas and not expecting sudden company.
But Miss Caroline is not a normal person and is happy to see her unrequited crush on her doorstep instead of mortified. Crane says he hopes they can remain friends since he has so very few…and even less who share his affinity for 18th century American history. Caroline – in an astonishing feat – accepts this elaborate “It”s not you, it”s me” apology and agrees.
So of course she is now slated for death. In the darkness of her house, Caroline senses something is amiss. I also sense something is amiss. How the hell does a twenty-something own a house this big? Oh wait, dark water and creepy crying and a silhouette sitting in a rocking chair. Girl, you about to die.
The sad ghost lady goes feral and Caroline shrieks. Well, good luck to the realtor saddled with selling this house now.
Sometime the next morning, Abbie is identifying Caroline”s dead body on the riverbank. Crane is flipping out because they won”t let him cross the police line until Mills clears him. How many cops does Sleepy Hollow have that there are still officers who don”t know Crane is ALWAYS going to be cleared to cross when Abbie is involved?
No one can figure out what happened to Caroline. Her car was still at her house and there”s no sign of a struggle. “Who would do this?” asks Ichabod Crane, apparently in all seriousness. Oh I don”t know, genius. It”s not like you have a list of arch-enemies as long as your arm. Abbie knows the best way to stave off grief is to be useful, so she suggests they look up-river. Perhaps Caroline washed down shore and clues will be found elsewhere.
Approximately twenty seconds later, Ichabod finds Caroline”s coffee mug from the night before in the sand. Nearby there are car skid marks but no footprints. So probably those lucky non-dead teenagers. Is Abbie not going to point out that Ichabod probably shouldn”t put his fingerprints all over the possession of a murder victim? No? Oh, okay.
Have fun in prison, Crane.
Being genre savvy, Abbie figures it was definitely teenagers because this a popular place to make-out. Ichabod is delightfully naive about what happens at a modern day “lover”s lane” and it”s adorable. But he”s not so naive as to not appreciate the “spirit” of the local high school cheerleading squad when they go to question the Queen Bees about who was necking under the bridge last night.
Our hapless teen lovers confess they hauled ass out of there after the Weeping Lady cracked the windshield and a short drive later Abbie is pulling up information on a local legend at the library. The Weeping Lady is a standard soggy ghost: dripping wet, glowing green eyes, always crying, probably a restless spirit who died due to and/or at the hands of her unfaithful lover. But to be sure, Mills and Crane need the source material. It is really hard to make “searching the Dewey Decimal System” action-packed, so the show compensates in three ways:
One, Katrina”s messenger bird finds Ichabod. She lets him know she is well, if annoyed at her limited witchery due to the wards.
Two, and most appreciated, a wild Southern Gentleman Aquaman appears! Hawley runs into Abbie and confesses he”s researching apocalypse stuff because forewarned is forearmed in his – correct – opinion. Abbie tries to give him shit about running away from the last demon and Hawley is like “It was a demon!” Turns out you don”t have to be a believer of the occult to sell it. “Do all people who sell Christmas tress believe in Santa Claus?” asks Hawley, modern day philosopher. He also offers to help free of charge next time Abbie needs it, which is probably the biggest sign of respect SGA is capable of giving.
Three, the Weeping Woman is also visiting the library. But she”s not here to check out a book on how to deal with grief. She”s here to murder Abbie, who of course takes the bait. Sure, Abbie unholsters her gun but LIKE THAT”S GONNA DO ANY GOOD. The Weeping Lady makes her play and lo and behold, bullets do nothing.
Suddenly, Abbie is drowning. While not susceptible to gunshot, ghosts are apparently capable of being hit in the solar plexus. Abbie surfaces momentarily to find she”s in the river near where Caroline”s body was found. Well, that explains that.
The Weeping Lady pulls her back under but Crane is able to reach through the portal still open in the library and pull her to safety. But it”s too late. Mills is unconscious and not breathing. In a panic, Ichabod screams her name. Her first name. HE CALLED HER ABBIE! Luckily, Southern Gentleman Aquaman is quite familiar with how to resuscitate air-breathing humans and administers mouth-to-mouth. Let”s all just take a minute to relish that.
Awake and no worse for wear, Abbie is administered to by paramedics. So, how are they going to explain to the normals how she is soaking wet and almost drowned in a landlocked library? Oh, I guess they”re just not…going to. Huh.
Crane says he found the source material but it”s just the same stuff they already know. But Mills has a new clue. She managed to rip a piece of the shawl off the Weeping Lady. So okay, based on shattering a windshield, reacting to being elbowed, and having corporeal clothing…maybe this isn”t a ghost?
Not that it matters because of COURSE Ichabod recognizes the silk. Right down to the type of silk and where it was made and oh come on, dude. Why do you know so much about the textile industry?
Wait. WAIT. Oh my God. I think we”re going to get through this whole episode without a “Well when I knew General Washington” rant!
Okay. Anyway. Crane recognizes the shawl because it belonged to his childhood betrothed, Mary. Who is the original Overly Attached Girlfriend. She took a ship across the ocean, unasked, to retrieve a fiancee whom had officially broken off their engagement forever ago. She refuses to see reason, saying of course Ichabod loves her and of course he was coerced into joining the rebels and of course he”s coming home right now and WHO WAS IT? WAS IT THAT RED-HEADED HUSSY KATRINA WHO TURNED CRANE”S HEART?
Girl is two seconds away from being a bunny boiler.
However, being sweetly naive, Crane thought he”d managed to make Mary see reason when he received a letter from her the next day saying it was cool he”d thrown her over and no hard feelings and she was going directly back to London right now and for real don”t come say good-bye everything is swell.
Ichabod believes this, despite telling Abbie that Mary had always been insanely jealous of him even speaking or looking at other women. Which would explain why she killed Caroline and tried for Abbie. And speaking of women that Crane loves, Ichabod tries to show the note from Katrina to Mills…but it”s gone. It fell from his pocket when he pulled Abbie from the portal and now the Weeping Lady knows that bitch who stole her man is still alive.
Crane freaks out but I am dubious. Some watery tart doesn”t stand a chance against Moloch and Moloch definitely wants Katrina alive.
Whatever, we”re going to try to stage a rescue anyway. Our heroes make a pitstop at Hawley”s Hippie Occult Surplus Dock to get some help. But SGA says they burned their freebie when he saved Abbie”s life. But he gives them Van Helsing”s crossbow (seriously?) and an iron bolt with a Greek fire tip because he”s not completely heartless. Also, something about Serpent”s Tears which I am sure will come up again.
Even though it was clearly the crack of noon when Mills and Crane armed up, we skip to Katrina looking out her window by moonlight. Jeez, how long is this rescue gonna take? Apparently TOO LONG because the Weeping Lady strikes without mercy. Um, so are Henry”s “anti-magic” wards not going off somewhere because this definitely seems like a breech.
By the time Crane and Mills get there, Katrina is gone. But so is Headless, most likely also looking for his “escaped” prisoner/lover. However, all is not lost. Abbie remembers the Weeping Lady always takes her victims to the same spot in the river. If they run, and Katrina can hold her breathe for 20 minutes, maybe they can still save her!
Katrina needs no rescue. Free of the magic-limiting wards around the coachhouse, our witch is finally able to stretch her muscles by pinning the Weeping Lady down with some Cthulhu-like seaweed from the riverbed. Good thing she”s in her nightgown though, because ghostly assassin or not, Katrina would”ve sunk like a stone in her daywear.
Mrs. Crane climbs out of the river and flees into the woods…where she runs into her husband and Abbie. Exactly how close to civilization IS Headless”s lair?
Ichabod gives Katrina the short and dirty version of what is going on. Katrina senses Mary was raised by dark magic, meaning Henry did it, but she can put Mary”s soul to rest with more dark magic. One snag, it takes two witches. Abbie offers to help, and I hope this is the beginning of Katrina teaching her how to perform magic.
While his ladies get the incantation going, Ichabod runs off to distract Mary by playing bait. He tries to talk her down but ends up saying the wrong thing and has to shoot her with the iron bolt. It makes a pretty blue fire before stuttering out. Man, I hate it when you light a dud. Such a disappointment.
Now thoroughly pissed, the Weeping Lady shimmers right through her former betrothed in an awesome effect. She”s headed right for Katrina and Abbie but they finish the incantation at the last moment and Mary smacks solidly into an invisible wall.
Girl is not having good luck with clear barriers.
Determined to figure out what the hell is going on before Mary”s spirit returns to ????, Ichabod asks her why she never went back to England. Mary responds by ominously pointing to Katrina. Uh oh. The gig is up and the sin is revealed.
Agitated by his wife”s terrible pokerface, Ichabod demands “Tell me what you did, Katrina!” So we get the story of how Mary wrote to Katrina to meet her in the woods at night to talk about Ichabod and then went full-on crazy town on her, accusing Katrina of bewitching Crane”s heart before lunging. Mary missed and went over the cliffs, snapping her neck and dying at the same spot where her spirit kept drowning people.
Anyone else suspicious of this version of events? Seems a bit…convenient.
To keep Ichabod from returning to England with Mary”s body, and thus interfering with his duties as the First Witness, Katrina enchanted her handwriting to mimic Mary”s and wrote the letter. Crane responds realistically. He”s angry and upset and how can he trust his wife when she”s lied to him and kept so many secrets from him?
Before Katrina can respond, Headless straight up tries to decapitate Ichabod at a gallop. Abbie dives to save him. Katrina plays to stupid colonial honor and convinces the Horseman of DEATH to spare Crane and Mills for saving her from the Weeping Lady. What?
In the end, Katrina tells Abraham “I”m ready to go home,” and leaves a bewildered Ichabod in the woods.
Things begin to wind down and we get a surprise cameo by Jenny. She and Hawley clearly have history and that”s 100% okay with me. SGA tries to play it cool but in the end, Jenny steals a kiss and his coffee.
Back at the bar, a setting I adore by the way, Ichabod is giving the eulogy at Caroline”s colonial themed funeral because of course he is. And it”s a thing Abbie set up for him. Awwww. Over drinks Ichabod muses that a marriage without trust and honesty cannot survive.
Shhh. You hear that? That”s the sound of Ichabbie shippers squealing at decibels only heard by dogs.
In the coachhouse, Katrina hopes Abraham is happy with himself. Henry and he succeeded in driving a wedge between her and Ichabod. Headless has no idea what she”s talking about and by the end of the exchange, you can practically SEE the Stockholm Syndrome start to kick in.
Finally, we end with Moloch laying the righteous smackdown on his wayward Horseman of War. Katrina is a Hellfire Shard(??) and Henry will suffer if she dies. Soldiers listen, they don”t think. A broken and crying Henry, sitting childlike on the floor, is somehow the creepiest moment of the episode.
So what did you guys think? Was Katrina lying about how her showdown with Mary went? Will Abbie learn the ways of witchcraft? How much longer until the Ichabbie kiss?