Since June 19, 2012, Assange has sequestered himself within the Ecuadorian embassy in London, and despite being hidden away from public view, he’s still receiving a barrage of media coverage. This is to be expected, given his continued Wikileaks shenanigans and his bizarre relationship with Pamela Anderson. Yet beyond that, there’s a definite fixation among the British and Australian media with the Wikileaks founder, and he’s not happy about it.
He actually seems really grumpy, perhaps due to an absence of fresh air and vitamin D (though he apparently has a sunlamp and periodically waves papers around on his balcony). Assange rolled out of bed on Tuesday and must have Googled himself for awhile before firing off a complaint-tweet: “Did you know that ‘journalists’ are so cretinous they have launched 420k pages saying I live in a ‘cupboard’ and 261k in a ‘basement’?”
Did you know that 'journalists' are so cretinous they have launched 420k pages saying I live in a 'cupboard' and 261k in a 'basement'? pic.twitter.com/TVk8UVTGe4
— Defend Assange Campaign (@DefendAssange) August 22, 2017
From those screencaps, one can assume that he’s upset about being called “WikiLeaks Cupboard Boy” by The Australian, not to imagine the fantastical tales about secret embassy escape routes. So, Assange ranted about “confining metaphors” by journalists who seek “comfort” by talking about the physical attributes of “short” Vladimir Putin and Donald “Tiny Hands” Trump.
What is the insecurity that drives this unprofessionalism? Imagining me stuffed in a cupboard soothes the pain. But what pain?
— Defend Assange Campaign (@DefendAssange) August 22, 2017
Are there any studies on this phenomena of using physically confining metaphors to produce comfort when referring to a threatening entity?
— Defend Assange Campaign (@DefendAssange) August 22, 2017
Self-comforting by talking about Putin being short is surely an equivalent. I'm 6'2 (188cm) yet the cupboard snowflakes always avoid 'tall'.
— Defend Assange Campaign (@DefendAssange) August 22, 2017
Constant references to Trump's "tiny hands" are another pervasive example of reducing psychological threat through scale distortion.
— Defend Assange Campaign (@DefendAssange) August 22, 2017
Naturally, Twitter took great joy in Assange’s boredom-induced rage and began to dig up other Google results to get under his thin skin (and yes, unavoidably, this also included those rape accusations.)
Man, you're really running out of ways to pass the time in that cupboard, huh?
— Olly Richards (@olly_richards) August 22, 2017
https://twitter.com/cashbonez/status/899965957552066560
Actually, Julian, since you're there. Can you help clear this one? pic.twitter.com/Tu2t1OXo7H
— Carole Cadwalladr (@carolecadwalla) August 22, 2017
Unbelievable pic.twitter.com/0WFIQLwk57
— pixelatedboat aka “mr tweets” (@pixelatedboat) August 22, 2017
Here's one more for you: pic.twitter.com/UwoietOAPY
— Matt Seton (@MattSeton) August 22, 2017
People also reminded Assange that at least people find him relevant enough to still discuss him, albeit in a manner that he does not enjoy. Hey, not everyone who lives in a basement has that kind of celebrity going for them.
What's the cupboard like tho
— The visual noise of the cereal isle (@clefabledude) August 22, 2017
"I'm not owned, I'm not owned" I say, as I live inside a cupboard for seven years https://t.co/evlyH2mE1g
— pixelatedboat aka “mr tweets” (@pixelatedboat) August 22, 2017
On a semi-related note, Assange also complained about solar eclipse glasses, which he believes are solely motivated by profits, not safety. Someone get this guy a hobby!
You look away when you see it ending. Eyes also move to protect themselves. The hysteria seems to be sustained by glasses company profits.
— Defend Assange Campaign (@DefendAssange) August 21, 2017