It’s finally happening, you guys, Floyd “Money” Mayweather Jr versus Manny “Pac-Man” Pacquiao! The Fight of the Century is today, and that means it is time to figure out who’s actually going to win. An expert panel of UPROXX contributors has been tasked with providing predictions on this historic fight, so let’s dive into those fight picks.
Jessica Hudnall, Contributing Writer
My brain and my heart are conflicted here. Floyd’s a piece of garbage with multiple instances of domestic violence, so he probably belongs in a dumpster. Manny’s a politician who’s gone on record as being against gay marriage, which isn’t cool. I’d like for Gennady Golovkin to parachute into the arena, knock both dudes out and then show off his elegant robes. In reality, Pacquiao had trouble with Juan Manuel Marquez’s counter-punching and defense, and Floyd is like fifty times better at those things than JMM. Floyd should be able to take a decision, and knowing terrible boxing judges, it’ll be a majority decision because Adalaide Byrd will score it a draw.
Matthew Rothstein, Sports Writer
I don’t like Mayweather any more than you do (and probably less), but he’s never lost, and Manny… well, Manny has lost: I’m rooting for Manny all the way, but Floyd is taller and has a longer reach, and again, he’s never lost. I don’t like predicting things that have never happened.
Brian Sharp, Sports Contributor
It’s definitely going to be Mayweather. Unless Pacquiao comes out and establishes himself early, in which case it will definitely be Pacquiao. Then again, Mayweather is still one of the greatest boxers of all time, and until someone beats him, I have to lean his direction and say definitely Mayweather. But now that I think about it, Pacquiao’s conditioning has always been a cut above the rest, so if he’s in tip-top shape on May 2nd, I give him the slight edge. So definitely Pacquiao. Unless Mayweather is also in tip-top shape, in which case it will definitely be either Mayweather or Pacquiao.
Ashley Burns, Longform Editor
I hate everything about this fight. First and foremost, I hate Floyd. But Manny’s no saint, so I also hate him. I hate that it’s happening years after it could and would have been awesome. I hate that people are acting like it’s going to be as great as it would have been years ago. I hate that the people who aren’t acting like that don’t seem to care how expensive this fight is. I hate that this fight costs $100 on PPV. I hate that people have no problem paying that. I hate that tickets are selling for as much as $140,000 through scalper sites. I hate that Joe Q. Boxing Fan can’t attend this fight unless he mortgaged his house four times. I hate that the people who are attending are celebrities and fame whores who just want to be seen. I hate that the camera will spend more time looking for C-listers in the crowd than it will focusing on analysts who’d explain why we should even give a fart about this fight. I hate that Justin Bieber will accompany Floyd to the ring, and nobody will tell Justin how bad that is for his BS “Look at me, I’m so sorry” PR tour. I hate that Floyd will get a bajillion dollars for this fight. I hate that Manny will get 20% less because Floyd is a pompous ass. I hate that Floyd will win. I hate that I’m predicting Floyd to win. I hate that I only think Floyd is winning because this fight doesn’t really mean much and he and Manny basically agreed to put on a show, so Floyd can win and cement his legacy as the greatest fighter of his generation and Manny can buy a big ass house in Beverly Hills. I hate that people don’t hold “championship boxing” to a higher standard. Most of all, I hate that I’ll probably watch it, eat too many wings, and then forget to care anymore the following morning.
Martin Rickman, Senior Writer, Sports
I wish I could go with Manny here. He sings, he plays basketball, he’s been in a pistachio commercial, by all accounts he’s a playful and fun person who works hard and takes his craft seriously. And if this fight had happened about five years ago, he’d have a chance. Unfortunately it’s happening in 2015, and Manny Pacquiao isn’t really Manny Pacquiao anymore. Mayweather is going to win, everyone’s going to make lots of money, and we’re going to be left wanting more like when you get those super tiny cups of gelato with those baby spoons. But hey, at least the fight finally happened, even if it’s not the real version of the fight we wanted a long time ago and instead it’s the movie rental fake version of a blockbuster film that has a similar name and cover design and your family rented it on accident but you watch it anyway because you already paid for it.
Andrew Husband, Contributing Writer/Editor
HBO, Showtime, the pirates they’re currently suing, and ALL of the Vegas hotels participating in the event are the real winners. Mayweather and Pacquiano are just the big names attached to the extravaganza. But since they are the two people who are physically participating in the fight, I’ll cast my vote for Pac-Man. Why? Because it gives me hope that the mucho dinero my friends and I are spending to watch the fight will give us video game-like controls over the action.
Spencer Lund, DIME Managing Editor
The last time I cared about a boxing match, someone nicknamed Hurricane was fighting. But this one matters, if only because so many people have been talking about it for so long and now they’ll shut up (like if peak Kobe, LeBron and MJ had a one-on-one tournament, but two of the three weren’t actually peak). Manny is past his prime by almost half a decade, and Mayweather will probably win in a decision. Both fighters have some pretty upsetting asterisks out of the ring. Which means rooting for either of them probably means you’re a bad person to the unreasonably self-righteous people you’re following on Twitter. Neither has cool chest hair.
There you have it, UPROXX almost overwhelmingly has the fight for Mayweather, but nobody’s particularly happy about it.