On occasion, a zombie thread will resurrect itself on Reddit and make it worth our while to enjoy some timeless responses. This is the case with one particular forum — dedicated to the ladies — which asked, “What is the most embarrassing comment a guy has made to you after sex?” As it happens, there are some post-coital inquiries and statements that could double as lessons in how to ruin an otherwise lovely budding relationship.
The lesson here is simple — these exclamations do not belong in the bedroom, although a few of them could be considered vaguely charming. Overall, they’re pretty cringeworthy, though. If you’d like to never see a lady again after the magical moment, these questions will do the trick.
Let’s start things off with a “Well, if you had to ask…” question from toncinap:
“Do you think I should wipe my butt better? Could you smell it? I figured since we were naked you maybe could.”
Internal monologue bro, internal.
That was amusing stuff, but this account from iamelvis was rather disturbing:
he went a little too far choking me and I blacked out for a couple seconds. It was okay, whatever we got over it, we laughed about it. But then when we were finished he said “even if you died just there I wouldnt have stopped f*cking your body till i was finished.”
This comment from thattardisblue should never be made for a different reason:
“I thought your boobs were way bigger than they actually are”
This poor guy had no idea what he was actually admitting to 9 million tricycles:
He’d just finished and I hadn’t, he rolled over and said: ‘you know my ex always used to orgasm 10 times’ What do you say to that?
This man must have been a huge John Mayer fan to say this to Seduce You With Awkward:
“I’m really not that into black girls usually. I mean, let’s be honest: I’m probably just attracted to your white half.”
Here’s the dumbest way to treat a woman who just performed a thankless task, from SomethingClever17:
I’d hooked up with this guy a few times before. I gave him a blowjob, I swallowed, assuming at this point, we’re kinda close. No big deal. IMMEDIATELY after I swallowed, he looked at me and said, “That’s disgusting”.
Oh, and this response is brutal and must have carried long-lasting effects for Metzie:
Technically this didn’t happen after sex so much as after trying to have sex. He couldn’t get it up and just looked at me and said, “I just don’t like your body that much.”
This guy sounds like a good sport, but still, this was nothing Dadentum wanted to hear:
I farted while we were doing it. It was a full bodied fart too. He was on top and there was a fan on. I felt mortified. His nonchalant response was: *sniff sniff “smells like ham”
This is just sad. It’s probably a common feeling, but Felix Kitty coped well:
I was my boyfriend’s first time. He was really nervous at the start and we begun quite awkwardly. After the deed, he pulled out and said, “Welp. That was underwhelming.”
This is something I’ll never let him forget, although he insists it’s because he was so anxious and overwhelmed that he just blurted it out hoping to diffuse his anxiety.
Oh, this fellow is pretty weird, but possibly a keeper for King F*ckface:
My shirt came off and he remarked “the Mounds of Sheba!”
Then someone dove into creepster territory with wisdomsdaughter:
He was looking at me and said “You know, I wanted to keep doing this regularly but you reeeeeally look alot like my sister.. I know that is so creepy and I’m sorry.. pause I’m sure we could work around it though.”
Finally, this last smooth fella must have read 11Shoofie11‘s mind:
“This is probably the worst sexual experience of your life.”
(Via Reddit)