Hey kids, do you like tacos but hate the process that goes into driving to a restaurant and telling another human being how you’d like those tacos made? I know, totes annoyballs, am I right, fellow teens? Well, Taco Bell is hip to your millennial angst and has come up with the ultimate way to take one more instance of social interaction out of our lives. Originally, the people who preach for us to “think outside the box” had customers scratching their heads when they seemingly shut down their typically fun and interactive social media accounts today, but it turns out that it was all for the sake of launching a brand new app that allows us to order whatever we want, however we want from the comfort of our iPhones and Androids.
Being a hip, young bro myself, I downloaded the app and immediately got to work on ordering a taco that was truly meant for me, as this new app gives me the ability to say, “No mas” to the frivolous items that get in the way of my flavor adventure and, “MAS! MAS!” to the ingredients that we truly love. According to Taco Bell’s director of digital experience and new concepts Jeff Jenkins (how the f*ck do you get that job?), Taco Bell sees itself as the go-to destination for all teenagers seeking freedom from things like their lame-o parents and homes and schools that don’t have tacos and burritos at affordable prices.
“When you’re a teen, Taco Bell is the first place place you go for freedom,” Jeff Jenkins, Taco Bell director of digital experience and new concepts, tells Fast Company. “It’s where you go when you get your first car, or when you get your first paycheck.” (Via Fast Company)
That’s one theory. But for all the stale, crusty adults out there, this probably seems like just another attempt for a company to be “In your face!” and “Awesome, to the raddest extreme!” Not so, says another person with an awesome job.
“There are literally billions of combinations of Taco Bell ingredients that you can put into this thing,” says Taco Bell chief marketing officer Chris Brandt. “But it isn’t just a nice little marketing exercise. We think it has a great business application too.” (Via Fast Company)
Now, I know what you’re all thinking – “Burnsy, enough with the free marketing. Make with the firsthand experience.” Well, I’m one step ahead of you, voices in my head. I’ve already downloaded the app and am on my way to pick up what I truly believe will be my perfect taco. The ingredients? Join me for this lesson in ordering… NAY! This lesson in art.
I’m working with a taco here, because it’s the perfect food item. I don’t need the bells and whistles of a burrito, what with its rice and other ingredients wrapped up nice and neat inside a blanket of love.
The basic ingredients in any taco, obviously, but not for this culinary genius. Let’s go ahead and turn this up to full volume.
The Lettuce Lobby wants us to eat its product, but it’s as pointless as underwear or paying bills on time. But in its place, I will add ingredients that shall forever leave my mark on taco ordering.
THAT BETTER NOT BE ALL YOU GOT, TACO BELL!
All those sauces and options, and not a drop of Volcano Sauce to be found. I’ll go to my grave demanding the return of the world’s most delicious condiment.
Totally worth it, bros. Totally worth it.