Over on Reddit, one presumably earnest gentleman asked the question: “What are the most common mistakes guys make in bed?” Because what man wouldn’t want to hear straight from the horse’s mouth, so to speak, what they could possibly be doing better to please their lady? Well, because it is Reddit, a second thread (also started by a man) popped up shortly after asking what the most common mistakes are that ladies make in bed, seemingly derived from a more “venting” perspective.
But because we feel that there’s useful information to be gleaned all around, here are some of the best answers we’ve cherry-picked from both related topics, ranging from communication to technique itself. Feel free to leave your own in the comments. We’ll start with the men, so listen up, fellas.
Foreplay. Also not knowing what your partner likes. Some of us, like me, are very under sensitive. While others are very over sensitve. Adjust to your partners.
Not trimming their toenails before rubbing all up and down my legs.
Constantly switching positions.
If we’re in boring old missionary and I’m losing my f*cking mind, gripping the sheets and screaming your name, just keep on keeping on in boring old missionary.
You’re probably doing a good job.
Not making enough noise.
Assuming that when you’re done, she’s done.
When we say, “Oh god yes, just like that!” We mean it. We don’t mean double-down, twice as fast, harder, etc. We mean JUST.LIKE.THAT.
Finding the clit, but then treating it like you’re trying to give me a friction burn.
So many guys keep their mouths open way too wide when french kissing, like they’re trying to inhale my entire face.
Moving onto the fairer sex, here’s what the guys had to say. But from a female perspective, I have to note that some of these complaints are a two-way street. It’s not just women who are guilty of some of this stuff.
Not initiating enough. If we are laying there and you want to f*ck, touch my upper thigh, put your hands down my pants, do something. I will always be down to fuck no matter how tired I am. You are never bothering me by touching me in a seductive way while we lay there and watch tv or if I am doing something else. I hate having to initiate 80% of the time. I like to have fun sex. Me having to initiate almost every time is not fun.
Playing with my balls like you’re kneading dough or milking a cow.
Communicate. I have friends that can’t talk about sex with their husbands. It blows my mind.
Dead fish.
Dead fish has been overstated enough in this thread so I’m going with going against the rhythm. If I’m going at let’s say a four count beat don’t try and go at a 3/4 beat. I end up thrusting as you pull away or pulling away as you thrust and it just feels like we are rocking back and forth not really doing anything.
Stroking it dry with a death grip.
Being squeamish about your own body. There is no bigger turn off than a woman who can’t just let go a bit and share bodies. If I thought you were gross I wouldn’t be here.
Jack hammer wrist technique. Know when to stop yanking on it.
And finally, not to discriminate against species, a third thread has since surfaced asking what the most common mistakes your cat does in bed. Being that today is National Cat Day, sure, why not? To be fair, this first one could have fallen under any category:
They both think sitting on my face or exposing their anuses to me is something I want in bed. I don’t, I really don’t.
Thinking I don’t plan on repositioning those comfy legs you’re laying inbetween.
Tapping my face at around 5am to get me to feed her. For this reason she’s banned from the bedroom.
Attacking my toes. Either she doesn’t learn or she really enjoys playing astronaut.
“Oh are you trying to sleep? That means it’s the perfect time for me to loudly clean my asshole right next to your head.” schlarp schlarp schlarp
And on that note, I hope we’ve learned something here today. Men, women, and cats, let’s all try to be better to one another in the bedroom from now on.