A 46-year-old British man, Christopher Johnson, has been banned from going anywhere that has a slide after an August 18 arrest when he was caught “simulating a sex act” with a slide at a Coventry, United Kingdom playground — an act that was, unfortunately for him, caught by four witnesses. Although the exact details are not known, reports state that this was not Johnson’s first slide-related offense.
The order bans him from attending any location, including parks, leisure centres, swimming baths, lidos or recreation grounds were there is a slide.
Johnson also received a three-year community order, which includes having sex offender treatment for 18 months, and a rehabilitation activity requirement.
Although rare, the condition known as mechanophilia — a sexual attraction to machines such as cars, bicycles, and airplanes — is not unheard of. Another Brit named Edwards Smith has previously gone on record for supposedly having sex with more than 700 cars. A slide is not exactly a car or a machine, but technically it does get you from one place to another. I don’t know. Far be it from me to attempt to understand exactly what it is about a car or a slide that puts a spring into a young man’s step.
What I do know is that it’s never a good idea to be whipping your dick out in an area heavily frequented by children. Hopefully this guy can stick to SlideHub you YouSlide.com from now on.