“Welcome back to Fox News. We take you now the Home of Geraldo Rivera. Geraldo?”
“Thanks, Jim. As you can see here, I’m in my bathroom. I haven’t been in this room, or any other room in my residence except the Tanning Room, since Monday, when, while inflating a plastic palm tree, I slipped, fell, and have been boiling under the UV rays, without water, for days. To keep my sanity, I lifted and digested bottles of sunscreen, which has somehow turned me into some sort of super-villain. I may never wear clothes again.”
“Well, at the least, I’m sure you won’t be wearing hoodies.”
“Haha, no, Jim, I don’t want to feel like a no-good…”
He is the worst.