Yay, gang, Vince is back! …See, that was my attempt at making you grateful for my return, leading by example. Hopefully Burnsy and Chareth didn’t do so good a job over the weekend that you’ve already forgotten about me, like I did with Whatshisface after my mom married that pilot. Anyway, collectively, FilmDrunk Nation destroyed it last week, to the point that it was impossible for me to choose a single comment as the best of the week. You guys have become like a well-oiled machine of dick jokes and wordplay. …And I like that.
These were my top four.
From Simon Pegg’s 1995 stand-up comedy clip:
galwaygirl says: There’s so much British in that clip that my pack of smokes just started butt f*cking each other.
From Nic Cage sadly not dressed like a bear during latest domestic violence incident:
Glowworm says: Alcoholism is a slippery slope; so is his wife.
From Bryan Singer explains that Superman Returns was actually a Jesus metaphor:
Chareth Cutestory says: Because who better to embody the metaphor of a spindly Jewish pacifist than a square-jawed ripped Aryan who’s always punching people into the sun?
From Yo-Yo Ma performs with L.A. dancer Lil Buck:
ChinoMoreno says: Black and yellow, black and yellow…
(*slow clap*) The FilmDrunk Comments Section: Come for the vague racism, stay for the top-notch wordplay. Also, I’ve discovered that Yo-Yo Ma’s first name is officially hyphenated. Do you think that was something his parents intended, or simply a consequence of proper punctuation? Discuss.
HONORABLE MENTION:
From Nic Cage bailed out by Dog the Bounty Hunter:
Chareth Cutestory says: I can’t wait for a month from now when a resolutely confident Duane Chapman goes to collect and, after emptying cannister #3, suddenly realizes that bear mace only makes Nic Cage stronger.
“Resolutely” confident, eh? Well la di da, Professor Adverb.
From Bryan Singer explains that Superman Returns was actually a Jesus metaphor:
Ace Rimmer says: “Hey, remember Jesus?” is not an analogy.
This was a far more succinct explanation than mine of why Christ metaphors in fiction are lame.
From Naked Girls Reading Pulp Fiction:
Moose says: You had me at “Naked Girls,” you lost me at “Reading.”
From The new trailer for Bridesmaids, aka The Labia Hangover:
CRM says: The Hangoveries.
Yep, that’s a lot better than my idea.
From Danzig is writing a song for The Hangover 2:
Chino Moreno says: Do You Wanna Bangkoks with me…
From Simon Pegg’s stand-up act from 1995:
Pauly Dangerously says: “1995. Good year.” – Ini Kamoze
From Ryan Reynolds and Jason Bateman switch bodies while peeing in a fountain in The Change-Up:
davidnowacki says: This is a lot like my life in that I hang out near fountains with my dick out until I end up with some other dude in me.
From Heroic lawsuit threatens to derail plans for The Crow remake:
Ace Rimmer says: They’ve killed off the franchise, you say?
Looks like we’re facing a
*sunglasses*
… murder of crows.
CAAAAAAAAAAW!
From Asylum’s Thor ripoff features Thor firing an Uzi, Richard Grieco:
Ax Anderson says: Clearly you can save a load of money on your superhero film by switching to Grieco.
That concludes this week’s Comments of the Week. Well done, everyone. Needless to say, I was impressed.
HATE MAIL
I skipped town early this week and generally did a piss-poor job keeping track of the trolls and h8erz, but I thought this comment on “30 Minutes or Less looks awesome” was nicely representative:
rightversusleft says: “…the curse WITH WHICH Adam Sandler has plagued him.” Grammar only takes two seconds.
This was a nice combination of snide, dickish, casually dismissive, and best of all, wrong. Yes, this pissy niggling really had everything.
Until next week…
(And, as always, nominate for next week’s Comments of the Week/Hate Mail by copy/pasting in the comments section below. It helps me keep track of things.)