American Pie sequel synopsis: Pie Humper is a YouTube star

We’ve known for a while now that as part of Obama’s public works package to keep Tara Reid and Natasha Lyonne out of gutters, that Universal was “rebooting” the American Pie franchise (sort of — they’re ignoring the direct-to-DVD sequels).  The new film, American Reunion, now has some (potentially spoilery I guess) plot details:

The whole gang are returning to East Great Falls for their ten-year Highschool reunion (made possible thanks to Facebook). They’ll come near and far to remember the good times – only to be faced with the frightening realization that they’re no longer young teenagers.

Because God knows high school reunions never existed before Facebook.  Our parents had it so good.

Oz [Chris Klein] has hit the big time as a contestant on a Dancing with the Stars-type show. He also lives in a pricey Malibu mansion. He returns home a big-shot.

A big shot, eh?  Would you go so far as to say that this guy. Walks. Through. The rain drops.?

Stifler isn’t doing well – he’s working as a temp for a rude boss that refers to him as ‘his bitch’. He’s also not having a lot of luck with the ladies. Still, he’s excited to get back home and do some partying.

Jim’s next-door neighbor Kara, now all grown-up (!), develops a crush on the married man. Can Jim resist her? Can he keep his marriage to Michelle in one piece?

Jim is of course pie f*cker Jason Biggs, while Michelle is flute-pussy Allison Hannigan.  I have no idea who Kara is.

Jim is a YouTube sensation these days – everyone knows his little performance piece from the ’90s with Nadia! Oz’s girlfriend Mia – seemingly with him for his money only – decides to join him at the reunion. Meanwhile, Oz’s ex-Heather brings with her to town her new boyfriend, a forty-something surgeon, who tries to act younger.

Well it’s nice to see that they avoided the easy clichés.  Oh, YouTube stardom, you’re my favorite new MacGuffin.

Trisha use to go to bandcamp with Michelle. She’s now a smokin’ hotie bartender – one whom ‘international traveler’ Finch will score with (Though Stifler’s Mom will also make a reappearance).

Though the trades have only mentioned Jason Biggs, Eugene Levy and Seann William Scott as returning, all the cast members from the original movie – Thomas Ian Nicholas, Tara Reid, Mena Suvari, Chris Klein, Jennifer Coolidge [Stifler’s Mom], Alyson Hannigan etc – are definitely involved. [WhatsPlaying]

Which still begs the question: is Natasha Lyonne still alive?  That, my friends, is the greatest mystery of all.