Armie Hammer Has A Way With The Ladies

Here’s a fun fact about actor Armie Hammer – His very first credited role was as “Student #2” in Arrested Development. He also played “Abercrombie Boy” in something called Spring Breakdown, but almost everything after that 2009 film has been a huge success for the new titular star of The Lone Ranger. Well, everything except for Mirror Mirror, because HOO BOY THAT SUCKED.

Anywho, with great film success comes greater success with the fairer sex, and according to his recent interview with ELLE, the ladies are really taking a stab at the hunky leading man. Seriously, they are literally trying to stab him.

“One chick tried to stab me when we were having sex. I should so not be telling this story,” he says—then does so anyway. “She was like, ‘True love leaves scars. You don’t have any.’ And then she tried to stab me with a butcher knife. Of course I promptly broke up with her,” he says. “Seven months later.”

Damn right he waited seven months. For starters, she definitely would have stabbed him if he did it right then, and much more importantly – this chick sounds amazing. But it’s also not the only run-in with a blade that Hammer told Elle about.

And once, while in Australia, “this homeless guy tried to stab me. I punched him and stole his knife.”

Wait. You punched a homeless guy and stole his knife? I ask.

“He started it.” The guy had mistaken Hammer for a person who owed him money, and started swinging his knife. “I was full of piss and hubris, and was like ‘Fuck you,’ ” he says, mock punching the air. “I took his knife. Because he would have tried to stab somebody else! He was obviously crazy.

You know, I’d be inclined to think this guy was a glutton for danger, maybe even a bad seed. But then I scroll back to the beginning of the feature and read his description again…

Six-foot-five, with shoulders that can only be described as strapping, Hammer has smooth, golden skin and eyes the color of the Pacific Ocean.

Now I kind of want to stab him, too.

I’m just kidding, dude. Stop being such a wuss.