James Cameron Bringing Cat-Monkey Pterodactyl Rape to Disney World

Senior Editor
09.21.11 10 Comments

"Eat my litter box, you dirty sky primate!"

Disney has announced a historic partnership with James Cameron and Jon Landau to bring Avatar-themed attractions to Disney theme parks. Which probably won’t be as much fun as, say, gay Avatar-themed sex parties, but will be fun for the whole family. NOBLE SAVAGES GET IN HALF-PRICE!

If the sign for Pandora-land isn’t in Papyrus font, there is no God.

The first themed “land” will be built at Disney World in Orlando, Florida, with construction expected to start by 2013.
The first Avatar attraction will be inside the Animal Kingdom park. Disney said this was chosen because “with its emphasis on living in harmony with nature, Animal Kingdom is a natural fit for the Avatar stories, which share the same philosophy.”

Yes, because nothing says “living in harmony with nature” like “Orlando, Florida.”

Or, as the Avatards on the Avatar forums put it, “The Na’vi are so pure in everything they do, valueing life to their utmost potential. i would so much rather leave this life style and world to live their ways in their world. I think it would be sad to see us humans currupt the Na’vi into the (sorry to say) monsters most humans have become.” [sic]

So be careful, Disney. Even the best of intentions won’t keep you from being invaded and occupied by a horde of stinky hippies trying to ponytail dock each other. Just ask the guys who built Golden Gate Park.

“Avatar created a world which audiences can discover again and again and now, through this incredible partnership with Disney, we’ll be able to bring Pandora to life like never before. With two new Avatar films currently in development, we’ll have even more locations, characters and stories to explore,” said James Cameron.  “I’m chomping at the bit to start work with Disney’s legendary Imagineers to bring our Avatar universe to life.  Our goal is to go beyond current boundaries of technical innovation and experiential storytelling, and give park goers the chance to see, hear, and touch the world of Avatar with an unprecedented sense of reality.” [THR]

With any luck, being exposed to a world where noble, pterodactyl-raping cat-monkeys live in harmony with their surroundings will help the rest of us greedy sky-primates to appreciate mother nature — OUR home tree, if you will. Or at the very least, you’ll be able to get a sweet dreadlock wig and a commemorative coffee mug declaring you your office’s “Toruk Makto.”

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