Aw, Christ. Zorro remake to be set in post-apocalyptic future.

Created by pulp writer Johnston McCulley in 1919, Zorro was famously a Spanish nobleman living in colonial California who used his aristocratic sword and horse skills to defend the common folk against corrupt officials while tagging his initials all over sh*t, like a swarthy Robin Hood meets Banksy.  But obviously in Hollywood’s latest reimagining, Zorro Reborn, Zorro will be DARK™ and GRITTY®.   So how do you make an imperialist swashbuckling ladies man dark and gritty?  Why, by turning him into Mad Max, of course.

Unlike many of the previous Zorros (real name: Don Diego de la Vega) brandishing whips and swords, the hero of the new installment will live in the future — specifically a desolate and post-apocalyptic one, according to a person familiar with the film who asked not to be identified. A Fox spokeswoman declined to comment.

Can’t we just combine this with the Brad Cooper-Crow remake and C-Tates’ Peter Pan and create one mega-stupid über tentpole?

In this version, Zorro will be less a caped crusader for justice than a one-man vigilante force bent on revenge, in a western story that has echoes of both Sergio Leone and “No Country for Old Men.”

“The new Conan the Barbarian will have echos of Days of Thunder and Fast and Furious, in that Conan is now a racecar-driving bounty hunter.”  PS, how the f*ck is a “caped crusader for justice” any different than a “one-man vigilante force?”

The movie will be directed by Rpin Suwannath, a previsualization specialist who worked on a number of the “X-Men,” “Matrix” and “Chronicles of Narnia” movies. (Previsualiation is the Hollywood art of conceiving and generating images, usually for an effects-driven movie, before filming has begun. Visual-effects specialists are hot generally, with Fox recently setting the viz kid Tim Miller to direct “Deadpool.”) [LATimes]

Yeah, because that’s what separates the great action movies from the bad ones: …graphic design.  No really, I’m sure this will work out great.  Just look what happened last time we let a respected graphic artist adapt a pulp comic from the 30s.