Shia Labeouf defends Michael Bay. Badly.

Shia Labeouf famously admitted that Indiana Jones 4 kind of sucked, and immediately took a truckload of sh*t for it, because famous actors aren’t allowed to acknowledge things that are blatantly obvious to anyone with eyes.  He’d clearly learned from his “mistake” when the LA Times asked him about the rift between Megan Fox and Michael Bay (which I assume occurred when she wouldn’t wash his Ferrari long or hard enough), which may or may not have led to her not being in Transformers 3.   Now then, let’s all just sit back and enjoy watching him squirm.

“Megan developed this Spice Girl strength, this woman-empowerment [stuff] that made her feel awkward about her involvement with Michael, who some people think is a very lascivious filmmaker, the way he films women,” LaBeouf said.

I love that his first point of reference for woman-empowerment is the Spice Girls.
LABWAFF: “She was very strong, very empowered — she reminded me of… hmm, who am I thinking of?”  INTERVIEWER: “…The Suffragettes?”
LABWAFF: “Who?  Oh! Charlie’s Angels.”

“Mike films women in a way that appeals to a 16-year-old sexuality. It’s summer. It’s Michael’s style. And I think [Fox] never got comfortable with it. This is a girl who was taken from complete obscurity and placed in a sex-driven role in front of the whole world and told she was the sexiest woman in America. And she had a hard time accepting it. When Mike would ask her to do specific things, there was no time for fluffy talk. We’re on the run. And the one thing Mike lacks is tact. There’s no time for [LaBeouf assumes a gentle voice] ‘I would like you to just arch your back 70 degrees.’

“As a modern, empowered Baby Spice-Athena, all Megan really wanted was for a man to tell her how many degrees to arch her back.  But Mike, you know, he’s old-school, he’s not into that whole post-feminist discourse.”

Huntington-Whiteley, on the other hand, must have arched her back just right when Bay shot her in a Victoria’s Secret ad in 2009, because months after Fox’s trash-talking peaked, the director cut the actress’ character, Mikaela Banes,  from the third “Transformers” movie and replaced her with the newcomer.
“Rosie comes with this Victoria’s Secret background, and she’s comfortable with it, so she can get down with Mike’s way of working and it makes the whole set vibe very different,” LaBeouf said.

As a Victoria’s Secret model, she was very fluent in the language of “SHOW ME YOUR TITS.”

“Sam’s sort of frustrated,” LaBeouf said. “He has no purpose in life. When he was with the Autobots, he had purpose. He was needed. But he’s got this very supportive girl [Huntington-Whitley’s Carly Miller] who’s having him go to these job interviews and trying to nurture him, get him back on his feet. It’s a different female energy than he experienced with Mikaela, who was a very cold biker chick [Editor’s Note: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA]. This woman’s more of a maternal, loving type. Sam wants a domestic, eggs-in-the-morning kind of a thing.” [LATimes]

DOYOU. UNNASTAND. THE WORDS. THAT ARE COMIN OUTTA LABEOUF?  “What? It’s not sexist, it’s just that I play a character who wants women to maybe not talk so much and maybe make more sandwiches.” Anyway, it’s nice to see that missing a pinkie doesn’t slow him down when he’s digging himself into a hole.  I think Shia LaBeouf and Lars Von Trier must have gone to the same backpedaling school.  “No, do not misunterschtand me — I don’t mean to say zat I hate za Jews (only zat dirty Juden Susanna Bier, ho ho ho!), I just mean zat I am a Nazi.  Ha ha, get it?  A Nazi? Jä, oont I underständ Hitler!  …Hällø? Anyone?  Eez zeess thing on?  …Please, please. Vhat I mean to say eez zat I don’t vant to kill za Juden (except Susanna Bier! Haha, I would SO murder her!), but I think vhen zair skin burn, it must schmell like candy!  Ach du lieber!  …Anyone?  (*tap, tap*) …Kirsten, I don’t sink zeess mike ist working.  …Danka, try za veal.”