Cate Blanchett Says She Used To Do Lesbo Stuff Or Something

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BROS! Remember that time Jenna Muffintop and Asian Britney got wrecked on Molly and started fingerblasting each other in Fat Dave’s closet after the Armenian Jello-cide charity mixer? Turns out, Cate Blanchett has TOTALLY DONE STUFF LIKE THAT! Big stars are just like us, bro. Or at least, just like Asian Britney. That’s so rad.

From a new interview in Variety:

When asked if this is her first turn as a lesbian, Blanchett curls her lips into a smile. “On film — or in real life?” she asks coyly. Pressed for details about whether she’s had past relationships with women, she responds: “Yes. Many times,” but doesn’t elaborate.

“…she said, flicking her tongue through a V she made with her index and middle finger.” Okay, that didn’t happen, but we can dream.

Turns out, Blanchett was there to discuss her new film, Carol, from director I’m Not There director Todd Haynes, based on the 1952 Patricia Highsmith novel The Price of Salt. It’s premiering this week at Cannes, where I’m audiences have been rising to their feet, shouting “TELL US MORE ABOUT THE LESBIAN STUFF!!”

Like Carol, who never “comes out” as a lesbian, Blanchett doesn’t necessarily rely on labels for sexual orientation. “I never thought about it,” she says of how she envisioned the character. “I don’t think Carol thought about it.” The actress studied the era by picking up banned erotic novels. “I read a lot of girl-on-girl books from the period,” she says.

“Oh really?” said the interviewer, clearing his throat as he casually pushed his glasses up his nose. “Where did you, um, read them? Like, before bed? And how do you dress for bed, where you’re reading these erotic girl-on-girl stories? I bet it’s like a lacy nighty or something. Or maybe just a man’s shirt with nothing underneath. Like, is it just you, sitting there pantsless, a lipstick stain on your collar, reading your erotic stories, giggling to yourself? Help me paint a picture here, and please, answer slowly, in your huskiest voice…”

The other book on Blanchett’s shelf was “The Private Life: Why We Remain in the Dark,” by psychoanalyst Josh Cohen, which she found relevant on many levels. She describes Carol as “unknowable,” but she could just as easily be talking about herself. Unlike many celebrities today, she treasures her privacy.

She eventually offers some details about how she unlocked her latest character. Blanchett turned to the film’s costume designer, Sandy Powell, for help. “We asked, ‘What is the most erotic part of the body?’” Blanchett says. “We kept saying that wrists are really erotic. The neck. The ankles. The way Highsmith writes, she’s got this exquisite observation of detail that most people would miss, but a lover’s eye never would. We talked a lot about erogenous zones.” [Variety]

Ugh, this whole profile is like this. I don’t know whether to wank dismissively or wank literally. Are you amazed that a celebrity profile this standard became a top trending topic on Facebook and rocketed around the web at light speed (“Cate Blanchett reveals her lesbian past!”)? Such is the power of people to picture sexy lesbianism at the slightest provocation. Not to mention the SEO allure of “Cate Blachett lesbian.” Never change, internet.

Anyway, I’m sure Cate Blanchett’s lesbo movie will be real artsy because it’s directed by a guy who made a dreamy Bob Dylan poetry movie and he and Cate Blanchet have been thinking a lot about ankles and sh*t. I hate movie people sometimes.