Comments of the Week

Pictured: A happy Laremy with his FilmDrunk shirt. Now available in red!

It’s that time of the week again, folks, when I reward you for helping make FilmDrunk the funniest comments section on the internet by handing out shirts with a picture of a dog wearing a birthday hat. It makes complete sense when you think about it. Now that the comments section has a handy “reply” function, I was thinking that, in addition to copy and pasting your favorite comments in the comments section below to nominate, you could also use the reply button to vote for your favorite. It seems a little less dictatorial than me just choosing my favorite every week, though I do look sharp in this beret.

Based on number of votes, here’s this week’s winner:

[From James Franco calls Andy Serkis the Che Guevara of chimps]

Ragnarok: I really don’t think we can make a call on this until we see him act out a scene an ape has already done. I propose we have Serkis crouch on a log, stick his finger up his butt, sniff it, and fall off. Only then could we make a claim to the true level of his ability.

So congrats, Ragna, send me your address and shirt color preference.

My personal favorites from this week:

[From the Cheesiest Movie Moments of 2011 (including the locket scene in Super 8)]:

Ian: Lockets are the white people equivalent of pouring malt liquor on a grave.

[From Armond White gets asked about FilmDrunk]

Warmbutter: “No, because I guess I fear where his contagion will land next. He’s just a bad guy, and he’s like an octopus, he’s got tentacles all over this town. Why, it’s as if Hollywood is naught but a nubile, quivering virgin, and he some sort of Japanese monster of the most dildoish, betentacled variety. I, for one, have no wish to see the hallowed and august institution of film criticism covered in foreign rape juices and AIDS. I saw quite enough of that as a young buck critic watching trash like ‘Philadelphia.’”

Thread of the Week: Uggie, the Dog from The Artist has all the right moves (including a shaking disorder common among white dogs):

Farthammer: “We also have a Dalmation. Half of it has that shaking thing, but parts of it like to play basketball and eat bbq ribs.”

Dingus: George Lucas had been trying to get The Artist made with a black dog for years, but the studios wouldn’t have it. They wanted a shaker, not a jitterbug.

Stinky Pete: ‘He had a rough childhood, like Mark Wahlberg’
Wahlburgers is even naming a combo meal after him, the Uggie: one hotdog on a slider with a vanilla shake.

More on Armond:

StrangerInTheAlps: See there you go taking A-Dubs out of context again, Mancini! He didn’t compare him to a contagion. He compared him to an octopus. He accused him of being a contagion.

Hobermite! Go work for the Times if your gonna disregard facts.

Stinky Pete: So the people who make and star in the films that Armond White comments on and criticizes are no better than him, but the bloggers who comment on and criticize him are moles, parasites, and possibly inhuman. Which I guess makes the people who comment on those blogs the pus that infects the mucous that feeds on the pond scum that covers the parasites. Which also explains why White thought “My Best Friend’s Wedding” got jobbed out of a Best Picture Oscar.

Stinky Pete: I think Arnond White counts bloggers as 3/5 of a human.

From Presidential Candidate Vermin Supreme needs our support:

Homo_Erectus: Pfft. My 17th level Bureaucrat/Thief could take him.

From Kim Novak compares The Artist using Vertigo music to rape:

Panzerschwein: Party Dog to Filmdrunk: I WANT TO REPORT A RAPE.

How dare you confuse Birthday Dog with Party Dog. DOGS ARE INDIVIDUALS, BRO!

From A zombie teen romance from the studio who brought you Twilight:

donna_romper: Breaking Dawn of the Dead. Please call it that.

Patty Boots: I like how they assume that the target demo knows what existentialism is.
It’s, like, French dudes being sad, right?

From The Iron Lady is even worse than you think:

Feklhr: A better movie and only 30 seconds long?
*RDJ as Tony Stark walks out to press conference in the nude, his dick tucked between his legs*
*Black Sabbath. Credits. Fin.*

Man, that would’ve been a waaaay better movie.